Don't Break the Rules
by SSMcPriceley
Summary: The Elders make it their mission to break every single rule in the rulebook.
1. Rule 1

**Rule 1: Learn and obey all the missionary rules**

"You know what would be a good idea?"

"No," replied all the elders in unison barely looking up to respond to Arnold's question. They all knew that tone and it never promised good things.

"You know I'm going to tell you anyway."

He waited for a moment as all the elders sighed before continuing.

"Well you know all these rules we have to follow despite some of them being really stupid."

Elder McKinley raised an eyebrow. "Don't give me that look Connor you've broken a ton of rules!"

Poptarts laughed and patted his companion on the back. "He's right you know."

"Well," Arnold carried on with the same enthusiasm, "Let's make it our mission to break them all. Every single one. All 167 of them."

A silence followed Arnold's statement. "So how was everyone's day?" Elder Schrader asked.

"Oh come on guys! Don't tell me none of you have ever wanted to play basketball."

"Wait that's a rule?"

"Connor, you're supposed to be a knowledgeable district leader. Rule 56, but you're allowed to play half court, rule 59." Kevin Price, ex super mormon, still had every rule ingrained in him.

"That's so stupid," Elder Church intoned.

"The rules aren't stupid James they're there for a reason."

"Ha!" Arnold suddenly shouted. All eyes turned to him. "Elder McKinley you just broke a rule, 'always address your companion as Elder'."

"How is it that you can remember perfectly some rules but not others," Kevin asked genuinely inquisitive.

"Well that's rule 69 so I guess it kinda stuck." He giggled.

"I don't understand," James spoke for the group.

"Well you see..."

"No!" Connor cut him off beginning to blush bright red.

"You know what let's just do it," Elder Davis, who had been sitting in the corner contemplating said. "We could all do with a laugh and it's harmless. Plus this districts seen worse rules broken than mormons holding babies." He chuckled.

"That's a rule? You're not allowed to hold babies?"

"Seriously Elder Price, you didn't know that?"

"I must have missed that rule." He looked lost in thought as if remembering something with a vague look of worry. "Whoops," he said finally.

"I agree I want to watch some TV," Poptarts enthused.

"Are we all up for it then?" Arnold looked around the group, "Connor?" He probed.

Connor closed his eyes for a second. Despite being excommunicated from the church after the disastrous events a few months ago, the group had stayed on at the district and still considered themselves good mormons.

He did break a few rules though. Like rule 77, 'do not flirt', he broke that a lot.

"Why the hell not?"

Arnold grinned, regarding his district leader with a look of pride. "Ok Kevin, you're the expert. Where do we start?"


	2. Rule 60

**Rule 60: Never be alone**

Kevin took out the rule book, which was known as 'the white bible' from his pocket and began thumbing through the pages. "There's a lot of rules, it'll take an effort to break all of them."

"Well pick one you've always wanted to break."

"I've never wanted to break any rules."

"Lies!" Elder Schrader laughed, "You practically inject yourself with coffee!"

Kevin ignored the jibe and turned back to flicking through the pages. He slipped his thumb between two and the flicking stopped. He opened the book and read where his hand had landed. "This'll do, 'Rule 60 never be alone'"

The elders shared looks with their companions. Even when they were in the bathroom their companion had to wait just outside. Only Kevin and Arnold had ever had the luxury of being by themselves during the mission.

"So everyone split up and spend some time alone ok?" Arnold said enthusiastically.

"For how long?" Connor asked.

"I dunno, 5 minutes?"

Connor nodded at the satisfactory answer.

"Where will we go, the huts tiny?" Elder Davis looked around the room and peered under the table as if looking for a place to go.

"Well half of each pair can go into their room and there's space in the bathroom, two in the corridor, two in here."

"This all seems a bit pointless just to break one rule."

"Don't be such a buzzkill James, you'll probably enjoy it."

"Shotgun the room! You can have a corridor Connor." Poptarts said loudly.

"Hey that's not fair!"

"Don't worry Connor I'll sit in the corridor with you."

"No Kevin, the idea is to be alone," Arnold said exasperatedly feeling like he was explaining the rules of a game at a party where no one was that keen to play.

"Can we get on with it?" Elder Michaels said frustratedly.

"Yes ok right." Arnold appeared flustered, "Meet back here in five, everyone enjoy yourselves."

The elders all found a spot in the cramped hut where they were alone. For most of them it was the first time in several months. Different thoughts were running through each of the elders minds:

Elder McKinley - '_We need to repaint that wall, it's chipping something crazy. And Arnold better not choose the colour this time. I mean green? That's just disgusting with this carpet'_

Elder Price - _'Let's make this something routine, sorry Arnold but this type of peace is amazing. Still it's a bit too quiet. Who'd have thought I'd ever miss Arnold's loudness'_

Elder Thomas- _'He's such a neat freak! Ooh...I could change round his tie system or swap the sock pairs round. I wonder if it would make him explode?'_

Elder Davis - _'Trust me to get stuck with the bathroom, I'm never coming in here after Schrader again'_

Elder Michaels - _'Well this is so much fun I'm having a whale of a time...is that? Is that a spider? Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh'_

Elder Schrader - _'If I steal Poptart's poptarts from the cupboard, will anyone notice? Oh well YOLO'_

Elder Neeley - _'Knock knock...knock knock...oh wait'_

Elder Zelder - _'I'm so hungry. Oh gosh that was my stomach, I actually heard my stomach. It better not be rice again tonight'_

Elder Church - _'Rule 69? What's so memorable about that? Why would Arnold remember a number like 69? I just don't get it. Maybe Poptarts knows, I'll ask him'_

Elder Cunningham - 'I'm soooooooooooooooo booooorreeeeed!'

This last thought from Arnold didn't come out as a thought, but a moan that reverberated through the whole mission hut.

"Can we stop now please?" Arnold shouted out, "I don't know how much more of this I can take!"

Connor was beginning to ache from his position on the corridor floor with his knees up to his chest to accomodate for the cramped space. He was feeling strangely vulnerable dispite only being alone for what could be no more than a couple of minutes.

"All those in favour of stopping this pointless exercise say ay," he said in his loud district leader voice. A chorus of 'ay's came back to him from all corners of the hut as the elders came to the resounding conclusion that being alone wasn't much fun at all.

They met back in the living area and they were all silent as they watched Kevin cross off the rule on his list.

"Let's not do that again," Elder Davis spoke for the group.

"God I need a Poptart now," Chris said weerily. He headed to the cupboard and took out an empty box. "That's funny, I could have sworn I had several left this morning." he looked round at the other elders who all murmered that they didn't know where they were gone, Elder Schrader was mumbling with his hands plunged in his pockets.

"Well that's enough rule breaking for one day I think," Connor said and the other elders nodded in agreement. "One down 166 to go."


	3. Rule 93

**Rule 93: Do not telephone girlfriends**

Kevin looked down at the rule his finger had pointed to in the book. The group had settled down the following day to choose a new rule to break. After the slightly pathetic attempt at breaking rule 60 the day before the elders were determined that this time it would be something more rebellious.

"Well that's awkward." He looked up at the expectant elders faces.

"What is it?" Chris asked.

He showed the book to Elder Zelder who was sitting beside him. "Elder Neeley I think we've got one for you."

"What is it?" Chris repeated, his tone growing more impatient.

"Rule 93."

Arnold smirked, even he knew what that one meant. He really had been selective with the rules he chose to learn. "Well Naba doesn't have a phone, so I guess it has to be Elder Neeley"

"What is it?" Chris said for the third time now fully sounding like a small child.

"Rule 93, don't telephone your girlfriend," Connor said soothingly to his companion before furrowing his brow, "Elder Neeley? You have a girlfriend?"

Elder Neeley felt a blush begin to spread above his collar and he nodded meekly.

'You dog!" Poptarts gave him a whack on the back, "Well?"

"Well what?"

"What's she like?"

"Umm...she's nice."

The elders had now surrounded the poor boy who was in the centre of the gaze of nine mormons.

"Go on, what's her name?"

"Paige," he said quietly.

"Ooooweeeeooooh!" Arnold singsonged a grin wide on his face.

"Shut up Arnold!"

"Well do you have her number? We can ring her now." Elder Davis made a motion to stand.

"We?"

"We're not going to let you ring your girlfriend by yourself."

"Yeah, did you honestly think we'd give you privacy?" Elder Michaels was also smiling at the joke, he went over to the battered phone that was lying unused in the corner.

The phone was only for emergencies, really serious ones, so luckily it had never been used. "What's the number?" Elder Michaels hovered his hands over the buttons.

"I'll do it." Elder Neeley stood up and fought through the bunch of mormons surrounding him to get to the phone. With well practised hands he punched in the number.

"Awww he knows it off by heart." Poptarts was smirking.

Elder Neeley raised the telephone to his ear then blanched. "Guys guys it's ringing!" He said in a panicked tone. "I haven't thought of anything to say yet!" He started to make unintelligable noises moving the receiver closer and further away from his ear while the other elders watched worridley.

"What do I do? I'll say something stupid! We haven't spoken in six months! What if I-oh hello Paige, it's me Noah."

The other elders all lept to their feet to crowd around Elder Neeley, elbowing and shoving each other trying to get the best vantage point to hear the phone call.

"What's she saying? I can't hear," Arnold moaned.

"Shhh she'll hear you."

"Ow that was my foot!"

"Move out the way!"

"Stop taking up all the room!"

"Elder McKinley get your hand off there!"

"Sorry I slipped."

"Shut up guys she's stopped speaking."

"Say something Noah!"

Elder Neeley was twiddling the chord with one hand forming shapes with his mouth unable to make sound come out. Finally after an agonisingly long pause he spoke.

"It will only be another year and a half, not long at all...well there's been a rule change so you might be hearing from me more often...what?...no nothing like that they're just being a bit more relaxed...do you have to?...ok then well I'll talk to you again soon...you do get my letters don't you?...sorry I thought it was romantic...ok I won't next time...I...I love you too...bye."

He took the receiver away from his ear and looked to the group of elders who were being silent, expectant looks on their faces.

"You know what? I'm glad I did that."

"Who'd have thought it, Elder Neeley with a girlfriend. And a secret romantic at heart?" Connor questioned.

"It was the pink paper wasn't it? She didn't like your loverboy pink paper." Kevin smirked.

"Well at least I have a girlfriend!"

"And I have a girlfriend too don't I Connor?"

He grinned and pulled Connor into a hug before turning back to Elder Neeley, "And we're off to break rule 76."

He crossed off the two rules in his booklet and procceeded to lead Connor to the bedroom.


	4. Rule 8

**Rule 8: Keep your hair clean and neatly combed at all times in the approved style**

"I refuse"

"You can't refuse Kevin"

"I can and I just did"

"It will just be for a day"

"Mess up my hair they said. It will be fun they said"

"Anyone would think you still had a book up your ass, you're so uptight"

"Ooooh" the elders all chorused as one hushed intake of breath. "Low blow Connor low blow" Arnold whispered.

Kevin had his arms folded across his chest standing well away from the other elders in case one of them tried to touch his hair suddenly. He knew he shouldn't have let Poptarts pick the rule they would break that day.

"You can either surrender willingly or we'll do it for you" Connor also had his arms folded squaring up to Kevin, but unlike Kevin, Connor had an amused smile playing at his lips. Most of the elders were trying to suppress laughs at the sass off occurring in the centre of the living room. It was fun to watch Kevin squirm.

"I'm not doing it, no one touches my hair!"

"Guys he's resisting you know what to do" Connor stood back so the elders could all begin an advance on Kevin. Kevin smiled nervously, "Very funny, now let's pick another rule shall we?"

The elders all had maniacal grins on their faces as they closed in on the very scared elder. Kevin put his arms out and kept backing up freezing when his back hit the wall behind him. There was no escape. "Don't touch it, don't touch it!" he shrieked cowering away from the reaching hands.

Soon they were all upon him, some elders pinning his arms down the others ruffling and messing up his hair. There was enough hairspray and gel in it to last a week and so the rubbing made Kevin's hair stand on end. Kevin held a high pitched scream the whole time but it wasn't enough to drown out the gleeful shrieks and giggles from the offending elders.

When they felt he'd had enough torture they stood back to admire their handiwork. Kevin's hair was a complete mess and no one could stop laughing. He was left panting against the wall, a little disorientated and didn't notice the Polaroid camera until Connor clicked the button and a snap and flash went through the room.

Before Kevin could register what had happened Connor sprinted away towards the bedrooms. Kevin bolted after him but found himself held back by several pairs of hands.

"Run Connor run!" Poptarts called down the hall.

Soon Connor was back swaggering into the room a look of smug triumph on his face. "Give it to me Connor"

"Nope"

"Elder McKinley, tell me now where you put that picture"

"You'll never find it" he said a look of utter delight on his face.

Kevin ran towards the bedrooms and the elders let loose laughter as they heard him overturning the furniture in his desperate attempt to find the offending picture.

Connor placed a finger to his lips and withdrew the image from his pocket. The elders doubled over in fits of giggles gripping their stomachs in pain. A dishevelled Elder Price stared into the lens, his hair sticking up in all directions.

They heard the bathroom door open somewhere down the corridor and they heard a scream at what could only be Kevin catching sight of his reflection in the mirror. Connor smirked and crossed rule number 8 of the list.


	5. Rule 6

**Rule 6: Dress conservatively**

"Can I pick the rule today?"

"Oh we all know which one you're going to pick Elder McKinley"

"I'm not that predictable Poptarts"

"Then why have you spent the last few days sorting through all your non-regulation ties and muttering about who you're assigning them to?"

The elders all suppressed giggles and looked at their district leader who had his hands on his hips. Kevin went over to the blushing elder and rubbed his shoulders gently. "No offense Connor, but rule breaking or not no one really wants to wear your ties"

"Fine you pick the rule then"

"No we'll do it it's just there are so many ways to break rule 6 other than ties"

"Well did anyone pack any other clothes that aren't shirts and pants?"

There was a silence as the elders glanced around at each other their enthusiasm for breaking the rules diminishing as they realised how difficult it was after missionary training was so ingrained in them.

"We could just not wear clothes…no?"

"Ties will do just fine but thank you for your practical suggestion Elder Schrader" Elder Davis was half disgusted but also half laughing at the looks of repulsion the other elders were giving Elder Schrader. There was an awkward pause which Connor broke, "I'll just go and get them then shall I? Ok then."

He returned with a bundle of ties, nearly all of them clashing and completely offending to the eye. Most of them were pink and purple, colours that Mormons weren't allowed on their ties. Elder Church reached for one but Connor slapped his hand away, "Don't be ridiculous Brian that is definitely not your colour. Try this one it matches your eyes" He handed the green eyed man a similar coloured tie.

Poptarts reached for a light blue one which Connor confirmed with a nod, "I have taught you well"

Brian and Chris looked at each other and then replaced their black ties with a shrug. The rest of the elders were all given a tie and with a little persuasion they all put them on.

"Now what?" Elder Zelder said to the room, they all looked expectantly at Connor to tell them what to do next.

"We proselytize I guess, it's what we're here for"

There was a sense of disappointment among the elders; they thought it would be more exciting to break one of the most constricting rules but they just didn't have the things they needed to break this one.

"Hey Connor do you think this curtain would make a nice dress?" Elder Michaels joked.

Connor regarded the fabric, "Only if you want to star as the angel Moroni in a high school production of The Sound of Music"

"I don't know if that's a good or bad thing, do I want that?"

"No. No you do not"

The elders paired up ready for their day of preaching to the villagers. Some were wearing their ties with pride while others were subconsciously fiddling with them. Others, like Kevin for instance, couldn't stop tugging at them. "Leave it alone Kevin, you'll soon forget it's even there"

Soon the elders were all in the centre of the village sitting under an acacia tree holding their books and smiling. Arnold had as usual attracted a small crowd and was enthralling them with his stories. The other elders were happy to just listen, correcting him only when he said something completely absurd, which was becoming surprisingly less frequent.

No one had noticed the ties, maybe they still looked too conservative or maybe no one cared, either way everyone was so engaged in Arnold's story that they almost missed the figure streak past them in a blur.

Almost missed.

Because when they streaked past, they were literally streaking.

A pale naked figure could just be seen disappearing back into the mission hut.

"Was that...?"

"We all know it was you Schrader!" Connor shouted, "You're the only one not here, we're not stupid!"

"OMGosh! I didn't realise he was being serious!" Elder Neeley said incredulously as he stared at the closed door where his companion had vanished. The elders were all staring open mouthed while the villagers covered theirs trying to hide their sniggering. Rule 6 had well and truly been broken that day.


	6. Rule 42

**Rule 42: Do not participate in musical groups**

"Bored"

The elders were all sitting round the living room after a long and tiring day proselytising and they were all quite content to just sit around and do pretty much nothing.

"Booooooored!"

Well most of them.

"I'm so boooooooored!"

"You're always bored Arnold" Kevin didn't even have to look up to answer.

"Well this time I'm really bored" He whined barely able to sit still. The elders all looked around at each other with exasperation.

"Someone suggest something or he'll sit there fidgeting all evening" Connor sighed looking to Kevin to create some peace with his mission companion for the sake of everyone.

"Would you like to break another rule Arnold?" Kevin questioned. Arnold's face lit up and a burst of energy ran through his already jumpy body "Can I pick? Please Kevin please!"

Kevin looked at his mission companion with alarm and handed him the rule book. Arnold fanned through the pages a look of intense concentration on his face with his tongue stuck out, which it did when he was thinking very hard. He made a few suspicious 'hmmm'ing noises causing the elders to share looks of concern as to what rule they would be breaking next.

"Aha!" The outburst startled the elders and Poptarts jumped a little in his seat. Elder Cunningham had a tendency to be unnecessarily loud sometimes. "This one!" He showed the book to Kevin who looked at the rule pointed out to him and furrowed his brow.

"Do not participate in musical groups?" he said unimpressed.

Elder Schrader snorted but stifled it quickly at the look Arnold was giving him. "Just give me a chance, it will be fun!" his excitement was hard to dampen.

"Ok I'm game" Elder Davis addressed the elders, "Does anyone play an instrument?"

A resounding silence told him no. Slowly Elder Neeley raised his hand. "I play the recorder" he offered. All eyes turned to him.

"Did you serenade Paige with it?"

"Shut up Arnold"

"I'm not the one who plays the recorder" he smirked.

"We could just sing" Connor stepped in, the gentle man never wished for confrontation even if the image of Elder Neeley playing his recorder for his girlfriend was quite funny.

"I was in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir before missionary training. Only the best Mormons are allowed in" Kevin said with pride.

"Kevin, that is so lame"

"Saying the word lame is lame Poptarts!"

"Guys guys! We haven't even thought about the most important part yet!" Arnold's smile still wasn't fazed, "We need to think of the name"

There was a pause as all the elders pretended to think of names for their new found Mormon band to please Arnold.

"So who has any ideas?"

The enthusiasm was oozing.

"Anyone? No? Well anyways, I thought of a few that we could maybe vote on. What about Electric Lightsaber Orchestra?"

Elder Schrader didn't even try to stifle his snort this time, the rest of the elders simply rolled their eyes.

"I refuse to be part of a band called…whatever that was"

"It's ok I have loads more!"

Elder Zelder groaned, "I can just tell this will be a really painful experience"

"The Rolling Clones? Pink Droid? The Force Seasons?"

"Ouch!" Poptarts flinched, "I despise puns"

Arnold looked slightly disheartened, "But all my ideas are puns! What about Aerosith? Or JABBA?"

"Oh God please stop"

"Maybe the name should have something to do with Mormons and not Star Wars" Connor suggested sensibly. "Like 'Mormon Collapse'" he suggested not so sensibly.

"What?" Poptarts laughed.

"It just sounds like a band name"

Before long they were all falling about laughing with some of the most ridiculous band names they could think of which incorporated the word Mormon in the title.

"Over Mormon"

"Implied Mormon"

"Mormon of the Nude"

"Mormon Flea of the Homicidal Dedication"

"Tangled Mormon and the Bohemian Fang"

Arnold was growing more and more impatient now that no one was listening to his Star Wars puns anymore. The elders were growing increasingly euphoric and giggly at the preposterous suggestions.

"The Band of Mormon!" someone shouted and everyone fell about laughing. Before too long it was dark outside and no one had noticed. Elder Michaels let out a huge yawn which alerted them all to the time.

"Bedtime elders!" Connor said in a sing song voice his stomach and face aching from the laughter.

"Thank you mother McKinley"

"Poptarts! I'm not your mother!"

"I don't even have to clean my side of the room anymore, he does it all for me, he even orders my socks" He whispered to Elder Schrader who grinned.

"But…but…we didn't even get started" Arnold looked very disappointed and almost hurt, "We never even picked a name"

Connor sighed, "I think it counts as breaking the rule, we'd make a terrible band anyway"

"But, The Band of Mormon?" Elder Davis smiled, "That's kinda genius"

The elders murmured in agreement and shuffled off to their respective rooms ready to turn in. Kevin and Arnold were left sitting on the coach alone.

"You'll be in my band won't you Kevin?"

Kevin tried to squirm subtly as he realised there was no way to escape this one. "Sure buddy why not?" He attempted.

Arnold's eyes shone. "Great! Ok so back to names I was thinking Han Jovi or Boba Fettshop boys or The Monkeewoks…."

It was going to be a long night.


	7. Rule 52

**Rule 52: do not embark on a private boat**

It was preparation day, the one day of the week the elders didn't have to proselytise and as usual they had neglected their duties to instead have fun.

The day was hot and dry so when Rule 52, do not embark on a private boat had been picked the elders wasted no time in heading down to the nearest lake.

Lake Kifambe was once an almost dried up, murky puddle littered with plastic bags and bottles. The elders had spent some of their community service time cleaning it up. A pump had also been installed in the village so the lake was no longer the main source of water. This meant the lake was used purely for recreation.

The elders had bounded down the dirt path to the lake full of enthusiasm only to find it slowly dwindle away once they arrived.

"We really didn't think this through did we?" Elder Zelder said staring disappointedly at the inviting cool lake water.

"Nope" Poptarts answered simply.

"Anyone know anywhere we can find a private boat?"

"Nope"

"Well there goes that idea" he was about to turn on his heal when Poptarts put out a hand to stop him.

"So no one has a private boat, but we can _make _our own"

"What?"

"There's rope and wood in the hut, I'm pretty sure we have some plastic barrels too. It will be like swallows and amazons!"

The elders were nodding along getting excited by the idea, a chance to test the skills they'd learnt at Mormon summer camp.

"It sounds like too much effort" Arnold moaned.

"Oh shh you!" Poptarts led the group back to the village where they collected the materials needed to make their mormon fleet.

The elders had proceeded to make rafts complete with perfect knots. Two to a raft they pushed them out into the lake

"Hey hey Poptarts wait!" Connor shouted after his companion as the cheeky elder had let Connor push the raft off shore then carried on paddling.

"Sorry Connor you'll have to catch up I can't turn it around" he said with mirth as the other elders laughed at Connor.

Connor hurridly waded in after the rapidly moving raft and managed to latch on and climb onboard.

Soon there were five make shift rafts paddling around the lake. "Hey no splashing Poptarts!"

"Call yourself a pirate Connor?"

Arnold's ears pricked up from across the lake at the words. He sat up and began bouncing up and down. "Let's play pirates!" He said gleefully.

"Woah Arnold careful!" Kevin shifted his weight to keep the raft from tipping.

"No that sounds dangerous"

"Just cos you're scared of falling in Connor" Poptarts teased flicking some more water on his companion.

"I'm not scared and stop that"

"Ok Connor" Poptarts settled back into the boat but still had a smirk on his face and for good reason. Elder Davis was paddling extra fast so that his partner elder Neeley could scoop up a handful of water and throw it at Connor.

His hair now dripping he turned indignant to the two elders who were already several metres clear.

This didn't stop Connor trying to splash them with water. He leaned over the edge and prompty fell it.

The spluttering Connor swam over to the nearest raft to grip on, his face blushing with humiliation.

Elder Church and Elder Schrader grasped his arms and hoisted him onto their raft both grinning.

"Pirates it is then" Kevin said determined glaring at Elder Davis and Elder Neeley's boat that was dangerously close to them.

The two elders saw the look on his face and their laughter turned to worry as Kevin was now paddling full speed towards them. Elder Davis furiously paddled and Elder Neeley was desperately using his hands to help but they were no match to Kevin's strong muscles.

He put his paddle under their flimsy boat and heaved causing the whole thing to tip over. "No no please don't" Elder Davis shrieked gripping tightly to his companion. They could see what was going to happen before it did and there was nothing they could do to stop it.

They toppled into the water with a loud splash still holding onto each other. Two heads popped out the water, spluttering and struggling to stay afloat. The two elders grabbed hold of the nearest raft which just so happened to be the boat Connor was now sharing with Elder Church and Elder Schrader.

"Oh no I don't think so" Connor said to the two elders now attempting to climb onboard. He carefully prized each of their fingers away from the raft and joined in enthusiastically paddling away from them. Now stranded, their boat could just be seen disappearing beneath the water's surface, the two elders headed towards Elder Michaels and Elder Zelder's raft.

"Guys I don't think there's enough room sorry" Elder Zelder apologised as they approached.

"Oh that's ok" Elder Neeley smiled slyly, "We don't want to get on." He shared a look with Elder Davis before the pair ducked their heads under the water. Elder Michaels stared at the spot where the heads had vanished and watched as a steady stream of bubbles headed towards their raft and then disappeared under it. "Ummm...Elder Zelder? I think they might be going to..."

Elder Zelder gulped and grabbed hold of his companion, "I know elder I know" They held tight to one another, eyes shut, waiting for the inevitable. The raft was wrenched out of the water by the two men lifting it from underneath. Elder Michaels and Elder Zelder toppled into the water, leaving the four of them fighting for air and watching the raft sink into the lake.

Poptarts watched the commotion from a safe distance before deciding to go and help. He paddled over slowly and drew up next to the four men now treading water. "I'll take two of you" He said.

The elders in the water shared a look, nodded and all latched onto a side of the raft, heaving themselves onto it. "Hey hey! There's not enough room! We're sinking!" Poptarts squealed trying to push the elders back into the water. Now safely on the raft Elder Davis, dripping wet looked at Poptarts, "We'd better get rid of some baggage then, right guys?" The other elders had all successfully clambered on board and smirked at each other. Each man took hold of one of Poptart's protesting limbs and lifted him into the air. Poptar's shrieks went unoticed as they proceeded to toss him into the water.

"Serves you right!" Connor called across from his raft laughing at his companion's comeupance.

Meanwhile back on Kevin and Arnold's raft, Arnold had tied his tie over one eye to form a makeshift eyepatch and was brandishing a plank. "What are you doing Arnold?" Kevin asked vaguely amused.

"I'm channelling Captain Jack Sparrow"

"Does he have an eyepatch?"

"He does now"

"Ok then. Want to go and kick some butt Captain?"

Arnold nodded eagerly and allowed himseld to be propelled along by Kevin, who made a very powerful motor. They floated past Poptarts who made a failed grab at the passing boat and moved in beside Connor, Elder Schrader and Elder Church's raft. He grasped the raft and guided the two alongside each other until they were level. "We're here to attack your ship and take some booty" Kevin announced.

"Booty?" Elder Church asked confused.

"Well that damsel in distress will do fine"

Connor smiled at Kevin and allowed himself to be lifted onto Kevin's raft and be settled down. Kevin used the other raft as a push off and was just about to begin paddling again when he heard a scream from behind him. He spun around just in time to see Arnold pulled off the back of the raft by a soaking Poptarts who had managed to catch up.

"Arnold!" He yelled reaching out desperately for his companion but their hands slipped past each other. Arnold began panicking and splashing about struggling to keep his head above water. Elder Davis and his crew had come closer in their boat to try and help but as their boat drew near it bumped into Kevin's. The jolt richoched through their homemade raft causing the ropes to come loose. It literally fell apart beneath them.

Elder Schrader and Elder Church held their hands out to Arnold to pull him onto their raft. They heaved with a lot of effort and then with a huge pull they managed to pull Arnold on board but the motion caused Elder Church to be yanked into the water. Kevin and Connor couldn't help laughing admist all the chaos. The lake was now filled with the bobbing heads of the elders.

"Forgive me Kevin but, you're looking a little bit too dry" before Kevin could register what Connor had said he found himself shoved into the middle of a group of paddling elders. They wasted no time in swimming over to him. "Not the hair!" he managed to scream before he was enthusiastically dunked, hair and all.


	8. Rule 71

**Rule 71: Do not sleep in the same bed as your companion**

"Ummm Arnold?"

"Yeah buddy?"

"You're lying on my foot"

"Sorry, there's not much room"

"It's ok"

"Goodnight"

"Ummm Arnold?"

"Yeah?

"Could I have a bit of blanket please?"

"Oh yeah sure sorry"

"It's ok"

"Goodnight"

"Ummm Arnold?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing?"

"Snuggling"

"..."

"Sorry"

"Arnold. You're still doing it"

"Sorry I was just a bit um..."

"Cold?"

"Yeah cold that's it!"

"I also find the African desert heat cold"

"I meant um...cold as in...well...lonely"

"Arnold?"

"Yeah"

"I don't mind"

"Thanks buddy"

"Goodnight"

"Goodnight"

* * *

"What's she like then?"

"Who?"

"Paige"

"Just because I'm in your bed doesn't mean you get to question me on what I do in mine Schrader"

"Eww that's gross"

"Ok that came out wrong, I meant, you know"

"No I don't please do elaborate"

"I hate you"

"Is she pretty?"

"Very"

"Why?"

"I dunno, she just is"

"That's not very romantic"

"What do you want me to say?"

"Well what colour's her hair?"

"A gorgeous shade of dark chocolate"

"So brown?"

"I guess"

"Why didn't you just say so?"

"I was being romantic"

"That is so lame Neeley"

"I don't care"

"Elder?"

"Yeah?"

"I think it's really sweet"

"Thanks"

"Goodnight"

"Goodnight"

* * *

"If you get uncomfortable just let me know"

"I'm fine with it"

"Ok but if it gets too much-"

"Connor I'm ok with sharing a bed with you even if you're gay"

"Oh ok if that's ok with you"

"I know you're with Kevin and I know that just because you like men doesn't mean you fancy every man you meet"

"That's...that's really nice to know Chris. Thanks"

"No problem"

"But you know if I do anything or accidently roll on you in the night or-"

"Connor! I understand"

"You do?"

"Of course I do. Come on have you seriously missed all those long talks with Brian? How we always stick together while proselytising?"

"Wait what?"

"I wouldn't say I'm gay, I can't put a name to our feelings but, I understand"

"You and Elder Church?"

"I guess"

"Is he a good kisser?"

"What? No! I mean I don't know"

"If you don't tell me I'll assume Kevin's better"

"Goodnight Connor"

"I knew it!"

"Goodnight"

"Goodnight"

* * *

"Your feet are so cold!"

"I'm so sorry Princess Zelder!"

"Stop touching me with them!"

"I'm not doing it deliberately"

"Of course you're not"

"..."

"Elder Michaels if you dare touch me with those feet of yours I swear I will kill you so help me god"

"..."

"Right that's it you're so dead"

"What are you doing?"

"Sorry I thought you were ticklish"

"So you were going to tickle me to death?"

"Tickling's like torture!"

"How would you know this?"

"Because I'm...no reason"

"You're ticklish aren't you?"

"Not at all"

"You know what's going to happen next don't you?"

"If you tickle me I am not responsible for any damage to your face"

"Ok fine"

"Thank you"

"Not today, maybe not tomorrow but someday I will do it"

"You scare me sometimes"

"In a good way?"

"Could you scare me any other way?"

"I guess not"

"That better not be your foot I feel"

"Goodnight"

"Goodnight"

* * *

"I've seen the way you look at him!"

"It's not what it looks like"

"Well what does it look like when you blush crimson when you hear his name?"

"It's nothing"

"It's like when you stand really close to Neeley and say the name of his girlfriend, his ears sort of prick up. It's the same with you"

"Is not"

"Then why are you protesting so much? I mean-POPTARTS!"

"What? Where?"

"Um...nowhere Brian. Poptarts just so happens to not be in this room..."

"What's your problem Davis?"

"Nothing"

"I can't be angry at you when you make that face could you please be a bit more unlikeable for my sake please?"

"I bet you're blushing right now"

"Am not!"

"You make a cute couple"

"We're not a couple!"

"If you say so"

"We're taking things slow"

"That still makes you a couple"

"Jealous much?"

"Well practically everyone is in a relationship except me"

"Don't worry you'll find the right girl one day"

"Thanks Brian"

"She'll be just like you. Irritating, obnoxious and really really ugly!"

"Hey now!"

"Seriously though, she's somewhere"

"What would I do without you Brian?"

"Flail about and make strange noises"

"Sounds about right, well see you in the morning"

"Goodnight"

"Goodnight"


	9. Rule 55

**Rule 55: Do not swim**

"But we broke that rule the other day" Arnold complained to the group.

"And we weren't even trying" Kevin added failing to hide his pleasure.

"We'll just pick another one then" Connor went back to the book to choose a different rule.

"No we can't just break some, we have to break them all" Elder Davis said forcefully.

"Technically we did break it"

"But unintentionally so it doesn't count. Plus I want to go swimming"

The boys nodded in agreement. It was only the morning but the day was already incredibly hot. A cool swim would be very welcome.

"We'd have to make it interesting, you know, to count as breaking the rule, we should do something crazy" the elders all looked at Elder Schrader who had his brow furrowed lost in thought.

"No" Connor said very firmly.

"What?"

"I know exactly what your thinking and it's not going to happen"

"Aw come on Connor walk on the wild side. I mean did you even bring trunks?"

"Well no but we can't just-"

"Could someone fill me in here please, I'm so lost" Brian was looking between Elder Schrader and Elder McKinley, his mind working hard to keep up with the conversation.

"Elder Schrader thinks it would be a good idea to go skinnydipping and I refuse to go through that experience again" Connor said a hint of finality in his voice.

"What's your obsession with being naked all the time?" Elder Neeley bewildedly asked his companion.

"It's not an obsession and wait..._again _did you say?"

Connor blushed bright red. "It was just some summer camp antics absolutely nothing weird" he said hurridly.

"It sounds a bit weird" Poptarts murmured sceptically. Elder Church nodded in agreement and turned to Connor expectantly as did all the elders, waiting for more.

"Go on" Kevin probed smirking.

"What?"

"Tell the story"

"There's no story to tell. It lasted about 30 seconds and that's all there is to it"

"I'm up for it" the elders looked to Elder Davis who surprised them all by speaking. "Don't look at me like that! I bet we'd actually enjoy it if we went really far for a change. Let's be honest we're not that good at breaking rules. This could be our chance" he looked hopefully around the group.

"Thank you for that inspirational speech on the merits of skinny dipping" Connor said sarcastically, "Now I think you'll all agree with me when I say that we are much more mature than...hey elders what are you doing? Put that tie back round your neck Poptarts or I will wring it for you! Brian stop copying everything he does, don't you dare do it too! Kevin put your shirt back on! Hey hey! Listen to me! Elder Neeley! I am ashamed at you!"

"Oh shut it you" Poptarts giggled at the shocked and blushing face of his district leader.

They were now all in various stages of undressing with Connor the odd one out, fully clothed.

"Ready?" Poptarts grinned at the group. There was no awkwardness amongst them, they knew each other too well to be bothering with silly things like embarrassment, there was just a collective wish to have fun and be rebellious at the same time.

The elders nodded enthusiastically. "Then off we go!" Poptarts opened the door cautiously and stuck just his head out, "Coast is clear" he whispered.

The elders stumbled out the hut and began sprinting down the dirt path to Lake Kalimbe. Their hearts were racing, their faces flushed but they couldn't help smiling as they reached the lake's edge.

"Hang on a minute!" Connor called after them before hushing himself in case anyone should hear and see what the commotion was about. He ran after his district still in his uniform.

Elder Church went to the waters edge dipped a toe in and shivered. "How can a lake in the middle of Africa still be so cold?"

Poptarts giggled causing Elder Church to turn back to look at him. "What?" He asked looking a little hurt.

"Nothing" Poptarts said hurridly seeing the look on his face, "It's just...well you looked so delicate with your toe stuck out like that. It was kinda funny"

They both smiled at the blushes growing on each others faces. Poptarts held out his hand which Elder Church took and they waded in to the lake together. They both tensed up and squeezed their joined hands at the temperature.

"Come in it's lovely!" Poptarts called unconvincingly once he'd lowered himself shivering into the water and begun a constricted doggy paddle.

The elders all waded in at different speeds and once they were used to the water began swimming round freely playfully splashing one another.

Connor has caught up by this time, out of breath and fully dressed. He stood disapproving at the lake's edge, arms folded. One by one the elders noticed him and they beckoned him in.

"Stop being such a buzzkill Connor!" Poptarts called.

"I'm not I just don't think this is appropriate"

"Yeah this is the most inappropriate thing we've done our whole mission" Kevin said sarcastically, winking at the now bright red Connor.

The elders continued to swim playing a malcoordinated game of marco polo. Connor remained tapping his foot at the edge of the lake. He didn't notice the two elders who had surrepticiously slipped out the lake and were moving silently towards him.

Connor let out a shriek as he felt hands close around him and lift him into the air. He kept kicking futily as he was thrown unceremoniously into the lake.

He made his way to the surface and was wiping the water out his eyes when he heard the words "Canonball!" and tried to swim frantically away from Arnold who had flung himself into the middle of the crowd of elders.

Admist the chaos and disorientation Kevin slipped under the water and yanked off Connor's pants. He swam quickly away and tossed them as far away from the water onto the dirt as he could.

"I'm never forgiving any of you ever!" He gasped.

Connor couldn't stay indignant. Before long he was joining in the elder's games, he hadn't felt this free in weeks. Their bodies glistening in the sun and pruning in the water he couldn't think of anywhere he'd rather be, anything he'd rather be doing and anyone he'd rather be with.

* * *

"What the fuck are they doing?"

"They are swimming Baba"

"But they are naked"

"So? Oooh look at Elder Cunningham!"


	10. Rule 54

**Rule 54: Do not handle explosives**

"Do not handle explosives" Kevin looked up at the group of elders with a nervous look.

"Oh God"

"Ok no one tell Arnold and we'll pick another one"

"I heard you!"

"We're going to die" Poptarts said expressionlessly.

Arnold bounded into the room with a massive grin on his face. "I'm gonna make things explode!" He shouted. Everyone winced and shrunk back from the noise.

"I'm scared" Elder Church said.

"We all are" Elder Davis told his companion comfortingly.

"We don't have any explosives so that's a shame we won't be able to break that rule today"

The elders visibly relaxed in relief.

"Oh no it's ok Connor I know exactly where to get some!"

"Well it was nice knowing you all"

It took a lot to dampen Arnold's spirits and a bunch of exasperated elders wouldn't stop the explosions he had planned.

"You won't have to worry about anything I'll plan it all"

"I'm still worried"

"Just give me a chance. Please?"

Connor looked from the pleading eyes to the elders, most of whom were subtly shaking their heads at him with warning glances, then back to Arnold's bright face. He sighed wondering if he was signing his death warrant. "Ok" he let out a breath.

Arnold bounced across the room and embraced Connor in a bear hug. The troubled district leader was already questioning his choice.

"I'll go start preparing straight away!"

"I'm still scared" Elder Church repeated and the elders all nodded on agreement.

For the rest of the day the elders didn't see much of Arnold. He appeared sometimes carrying non-descript boxes rushing from room to room a perpetual grin on his face.

"What is he doing?" Elder Neeley whispered uncertainly to his companion as they watched out the window from the hut. Arnold was outside arranging all the boxes into an even formation on the ground before collecting them up and re-distributing them again.

"I have no idea" Elder Schrader replied.

He paused to ponder the formation several times before once again jumbling the boxes. Still not satisfied, he did this many times before settling on a pattern similar to one of the very first he had set up.

"I still don't know if I want to find out"

"We don't want to hurt his feelings"

"Yes I'd rather suffer grevious bodily harm than hurt his feelings"

Elder Schrader shrugged, "I'm still curious"

Elder Neeley sighed beforw admiting, "Me too"

"I'm pretty sure this breaks all number of health and safety rules" Connor began in his district leader voice which almost caused Poptarts to tune out straight away.

"That is the point you know. Relax, I'm sure he has it under control"

"Elder Cunningham plus explosives does not equal control"

"But he looks so excited, I haven't seen him as alive as this since Mafala told him he wouldn't give him his AIDs even if he had touched Nabalungi"

"As long as Kevin keeps his eye on him then maybe no one will lose any limbs"

Later that day, the elders all sat round for lunch. It was preparation day so there had been no proselytising and only Arnold was hard at work.

He shovelled his food down at breakneck speed and had cleared his plate before Elder Michaels has managed a second mouthful. He shot out his seat to leave and headed back outside to complete his project.

"Maybe someone should go and check he's ok" Elder Zelder suggested to a silent table.

"I'll go" Kevin offered following Arnold out the door.

"Hey buddy!" Arnold called as he saw his companion approach, "Do you wanna see what I'm working on?"

"Yeah I would" Kevin moved towards Arnold and attempted to peer inside one of the boxes.

"Well tough you can't. It's a surprise, even for you" Arnold beamed, completely thrilled with himself.

"You're not doing anything dangerous are you? Connor will be mad if you blow up the hut, there'll be so much cleaning" he joked with a smile which faded as he saw Arnold's expression.

"You don't trust me do you?"

Kevin made the mistake of stuttering as he tried to decline.

"I knew it! You think I'm actually going to blow something up don't you?"

"I'm just concerned" Kevin attempted to save himself, "I don't want anyone to get hurt is all"

"I'm doing fine by myself" Arnold stuck out his chin in defiance and turned back to a box indicating that the conversation was over.

"I trust you Arnold, just don't do anything I wouldn't do ok?"

"What wouldn't you do?" Arnold smiled slyly his back still turned to Kevin.

"Watch it" he said as he returned to the hut.

"Well?" Connor asked as soon as he walked through the door.

"What?"

"What's he doing?"

"I don't know"

"Didn't you check?"

"He didn't want me to"

The elders all sighed exasperatedly. "Kevin we sent you out there to check he wasn't going to hurt anyone"

"And I don't think he is"

Connor raised an eyebrow unconvinced. "Maybe I should go and see-"

"No!"

Everyone was surprised at Kevin's tone. "Let him do this, he'll be fine. I think it's going to be a good show"

Connor softened as he saw the reassurance and adamancy in Kevin's face.

"I'm still scared" Elder Church said.

Darkness had now fallen upon the village and the elders were all gathered in the centre. Arnold was standing in front of them the boxes behind him feeling every inch the showman.

"Welcome gentlemen and lady" he smiled at Nabalungi who had come along too. She smiled back causing Arnold to blush. He giggled and she giggled back, the moment was intensly sacharine. He had to pause while he remembered his train of thought.

"That's disgusting" Elder Neeley whispered to his companion.

"Jealous much" Elder Schrader whispered back.

"Why would I be jealous? I have a girlfriend"

"Ah but she's not here to giggle with you now is she?"

"Shut up"

"As I was saying" Arnold managed to continue, "Today we had to make things explode so I thought we can't actually make things explode, well we can which is what I'm gonna do now, but I mean like bombs and stuff, we can't explode that, well we could but-"

"Get on with it!" Poptarts called from the back of the crowd.

"So yeah, I'll just light the fuse"

Kevin became aware of Connor's hand gripping tightly to his own as Arnold neared the fuse which spread out to all the boxes around it. As he lit a match Connor squeezed tighter.

"Hope you all get the planets you wanted" Elder Davis said with a light hearted tone that didn't match the serious expression on his face.

They all watched in anticipation as the end of the fuse caught fire and slowly made its way towards a box. Arnold backed away to join the group and they waited.

Suddenly a burst of light shot out from one of the boxes with a whooshing sound and exploded in the air.

"Fireworks! You genius Arnold!" Kevin called over the whizzing and popping of the display which had now begun.

Arnold grinned sheepishly and went to stand next to Nabalungi to watch together.

They continued to watch the bright lights explode in the sky. Nabalungi gasped and voiced her excitement several times. Arnold watched her animated face light up every time a rocket burst, his arm was around her waist holding her comfortably close.

The boys where all staring rapturously at the sky unable to take their eyes off it. Arnold truly had outdone himself and every flash of colour drew an 'ooh' or 'aah' much to his delight.

Poptarts moved admist the group to stand next to Elder Church. They stood very close to each other gazing in wonder at the bright colours unwittingly inching closer until their little fingers were barely grazing. Soon, without either of them realising, their fingers became loosely entwined together. Chris looked to the boy standing next to him whose eyes were fixed in the sky his mouth slightly open and smiled.

Despite being almost certain earlier that Arnold would kill them all, he couldn't be thankful enough.


	11. Rule 78

**Rule 78: Do not date**

"Connor? You got a moment?" Kevin managed to catch his district leader in the mission hut corridor. It was early morning and they had both risen early. Connor because he was still in his leader habits of getting everything ready before anyone else stirred and Kevin so he had an ample amount of time to use the bathroom.

"Sure what's up?"

"Well, I was browsing through the rule book and I wanted to know your advice on one of them."

"Shoot."

"Rule 78."

Connor looked at him confused. "Dating? Why would that be an issue for you?"

Kevin shook his head and opened his mouth several times in an attempt to explain before beginning. "Not us. Not even Arnold and Naba. I was thinking…" He trailed off but Connor raised his eyebrows starting to get the drift.

"You mean Poptarts and…?"

"Well they're basically a thing now aren't they?"

"I don't know Kevin."

"They were holding hands at the fireworks." Kevin said finally as if this was evidence enough to prove anything.

"They weren't holding hands, they were just kind of linked."

"Well whatever, we can start them off them." Kevin was excited at the prospect of playing matchmaker but Connor was more reserved.

"Why don't we ask them first?"

"Aww but Connor, then it won't be a surprise!"

Connor looked at Kevin's bright eyes and sighed. He couldn't say no to that face but he also couldn't just spring a date upon Chris and James.

"I'm sure they'd appreciate us just asking."

"You do that, I'll set up the date."

* * *

"Guys guys!" Kevin burst through Elder Zelder and Elder Michael's door where they were sitting on their beds talking, "Don't go anywhere I'll be right back!"

The two elders stared nonplussed at the door which Kevin had closed behind him. "Ok we won't move then." Elder Zelder said sarcastically. Kevin returned a short while later with Elder Schrader and Elder Neeley in tow. "Ok stay!" he told them and left again.

"What's going on?" Elder Schrader asked the elders who shrugged.

"No idea," Elder Michaels replied, "It's not normally Kevin who comes up with these schemes."

Kevin returned for the final time with Elder Davis and Elder Cunningham. The room was now completely full and everyone was struggling to find a space where they weren't stabbing someone with a knee or elbow.

"What are we doing here?" Elder Davis asked uncomfortably squashed between the excited man and his companion.

"I've picked the next rule!" He said enthusiastically which was then followed by an unenthusiastic silence.

"Should someone get the others then?"

"No!" Kevin shouted shoving Elder Neeley down from where he had stood to go to the door, "It's rule 78."

Arnold sniggered and the elders all rolled their eyes.

"You really did only pick the dirty ones to remember didn't you Arnold. Anyway we were thinking Chris and James."

"Do they want that though?" Elder Davis ventured forward quietly.

"You're as bad as Connor! Don't we want them to be together?"

"I can't speak for Chris but I know James isn't too sure at the moment, we can't just force it."

"But we can try."

"You're too dangerous to be around people." Elder Davis' statement was met with universal nods from the other elders.

Kevin tried hard not to appear too dejected. "Connor's asking them now, we'll soon find out if I'm right."

* * *

"Chris? James?" Connor called through the rooms receiving no reply. He checked both their bedrooms but found nothing. _Maybe they went out _he thought to himself _but it's preparation day. _He was confused, where could they be?

He went into the living room, glanced around, and would have left straight away if something hadn't caught his eye. The sofa was facing away from him but he could see four feet with black shoes and black pants sticking out the end. _What are they doing_? He debated making his presence known but for some strange reason decided that the best course of action would be to crouch behind the sofa and eaves drop.

Connor had a light dancer tread so easily made his way unheard to the sofa. He cupped his ear and listened to their conversation. His eyes widened at what he heard. _Maybe Kevin was right all along_.

"Hey Chris, can you move a bit I have a dead leg."

"Sorry James. Better?"

"Yeah thanks."

"We must have been here ages."

"I can never keep track of time when I'm with you."

"We'll have to be careful, the others might get suspicious."

"Well Elder Davis knows."

"How?"

"I told him."

"Why did you do that?"

"He guessed."

"But there's nothing to guess."

"I dunno Chris, how long do we keep denying this…thing."

"We don't have to tell anybody though."

"It was the night we all slept in the same beds, we got a bit personal."

"Oh. Well in that case, I think I might have told Connor too."

"That's ok, I'm pretty sure he understands."

"He was pretty cool about it, I just don't know how we'd break it to everyone-wait…did you just sneeze?"

"No that wasn't me."

Connor decided that it would probably be best if he gave himself up straight away. He rose from behind the sofa mentally punishing himself for not being able to hold in that sneeze.

"Connor?" Chris looked surprised for a moment then hurriedly shuffled off James and stood up, "Were you spying on us?"

Connor fought hard to fight the blush he could feel beginning. "No, I was just um…looking for my contact lens," he said awkwardly.

"But you don't wear glasses."

"Don't I? Oh. Well I guess it's ok that I lost that contacts lens then."

Chris and James shared a look, then turned back to Connor who was shifting his weight clearly not managing to hide his tomato blush.

"Hey Poptarts could I talk to you for a sec?"

"Sure," Poptarts replied simultaneously curious and cautious.

"Good. Thanks, let's go to our room." Connor gestured for Poptarts to follow him down the corridor, nodding at Elder Church on his way out.

"Is something wrong?"

"No no not at all. How's Elder Church by the way?" They entered the room and sat facing each other on their beds.

"He's fine." Poptarts said guardedly, "What did you want to talk about?"

"You and…I mean, how are things generally going for you?"

"Fine."

"Good…"

"Connor, do you want to talk about Elder Church?"

"Only if you do."

Poptarts sighed and looked at his mission companion. "James and I are sort of but not quite a I don't really know thing slash deal."

"I see" Connor said when he really didn't.

"It's hard to express what it is."

"How about a date?"

"A date?" Poptarts said unimpressed.

"Yeah, it would be fun and if you want to think about it, it would be breaking rule 78 so you could do that and-"

"Hang on a sec," Poptarts interrupted, "This is one of those rule breaking things."

"No it isn't." Connor said unconvincingly.

"I bet you've been plotting this, that's why you were spying!" Connor tried to interject but Poptarts wouldn't let him, "I bet you're all in a room together deciding how to break rules!"

"Now that's not true at all."

Poptarts leapt up and ran out the room and began opening doors to the other bedrooms. "Which one is it? Where are you all hiding?"

"We're not all hiding in a room together, don't be ridiculous."

"Aha!" Poptarts had opened the door where all the elders were gathered. Seven heads turned at the same time with open mouths. Poptarts turned to Connor and gestured to the room where the elders were huddled. "Explain."

"Ok honestly I didn't know they were there," Connor said hurriedly, "Kevin what did I tell you about leaving this to me?" he said sternly, hands on hips.

"I was just trying to help Con Con." He said bashfully, eyes cast down. Connor wasn't having any of it. "Don't you try that with me Elder Price."

"Look guys, I'm not actually that angry." They all turned to Poptarts who had calmed down, "I know you were trying to help and I appreciate that. You know what? Maybe I will ask James on a date. I don't even know what it is so I can't even think about describing it in words but I love spending time with him, hours and hours we can just talk. I guess I just really really like him and…oh hey James."

Poptarts had just noticed the man he was talking about standing at the end of the corridor staring at him. For a moment it looked to the other elders like he might cry but then a small smile appeared on his face.

Connor slowly went into the room to join the elders and silently closed the door behind him leaving the two boys alone in the corridor.

"Did you mean all that Chris?" He said softly.

"Every word."

James's small smile spread into a grin and he folded Chris into his arms. "So…you had a question to ask me?"

"Oh yeah," Chris cleared his throat, "James Church, will you go on a date with me?"

"Of course I will." He squeezed the man in his arms tighter and as he placed a light kiss on his forehead he could have sworn he heard some quiet cheering from beyond the closed door.


	12. Rule 38

**Rule 38: Do not watch television**

Arnold held the remote control defensively and well away from the other elders. They were all perched on and around the sofa staring at a tiny and battered television set.

By a stroke of luck Elder Schrader and Elder Neeley had found it while walking in the market and had brought it home with them. After a few days tinkering and fiddling with makeshift arial coathangers, they had got it working. The picture was fuzzy and in black and white and the plug had almost exploded when they plugged it in, but it worked.

Despite Arnold hogging the remote, they were all extremely excited to watch tv, an activity none of them had done for a long time. As he flicked through the channels they caught snippets of information: 'the drought is almost over here and-', 'this is mckensie she wants to rule the world and her favourite food is chicken fingers-', 'discussing Obama's recent support of same sex marriage-', 'I am your father'.

Arnold relaxed back into the sofa and beamed, "Ah my Star Wars I have missed you so much"

"Arnold can we go back a sec"

"No Kevin it's Star Wars" Arnold whined.

"Actually Arnold I wouldn't mind seeing what that was about" Connor said quietly.

"Fine"

With great maturity Arnold flicked the channel to the previous one for a few seconds then back to Star Wars.

"Happy?"

"Arnold!"

"What Kevin you only said a sec"

"Go back Arnold"

"No"

"Go back!" Kevin, Connor, Chris and James all shouted at once.

"Fine" Arnold huffed, "God, happy now?"

"Thank you Arnold" Connor said with strained politeness then drew himself closer to Kevin as they watched.

"Obama's controversial decision to come out in support of same sex couples has sparked excitement in the LGBT community..."

"I never thought it would happen in my life time" Connor whispered to Kevin who let his boyfriend lean on his shoulder. He started to stroke Connor's auburn hair gently his content smile turning into a grin as the story went on.

"This is such good news, I mean it's not perfect but, it's a start right?" Kevin nodded and took the opportunity of placing a soft kiss on Connor's lips as the face was turned towards him.

Chris and Brian were leaning on the back of the sofa and checking that no one was behind them to watch linked hands. Chris cautiously leaned in to his boyfriend and gave him a nervous peck on the cheek.

Brian turned to him and smiled before brushing their lips together ever so slightly. As they broke apart they realised that it was enough.

"How long have I known you Connor?"

"Six months and four days exactly"

"You've been counting?"

Connor laughed lightly and smiled, "Every day counts"

Kevin nodded to himself and sat in deep thought for a moment. "Connor?" He said quietly.

"Yes?"

"You're right, every day does count, and I want to make sure that I'm spending every one of those days with you. I think I'm ready for this."

He slid off the sofa and landed elegantly on one knee in front of Connor.

Connor gasped and widened his eyes, "Oh my God" he whispered bring his hands to his mouth in shock.

"Connor I love you. I love you so much"

"I can't believe this is actually happening" Connor squealed quietly.

"I want to spend the rest of my days with you. Connor, will you marry me?"

"Yes! A million times yes!" Connor shrieked and stood up pulling Kevin with him. He pressed their lips together and smiled all the way through the kiss. When they parted they looked at each other and laughed.

The elders cheered as Kevin lifted Connor into the air and twirled him round finishing with another kiss. Chris had to hold Brian's hand tight and blink really fast so no one saw the tears that were beginning to form.

"Kevin I love you so much! I'll have to start planning a wedding, there's so much to do! The honeymoon!" Connor was bubbling with happiness, "We can go to New York!"

"Or Orlando!"

Everybody laughed and Connor once again leaned in to kiss his boyfriend. _'No'_ he thought, _'Fiance'_.


	13. Rule 147

**Rule 147: Do not drive without a license**

"Pssst Chris"

"Shhhh!" Connor's reaction to James was louder than the original offense had been itself. The elders were all arranged around the living room, copies of the book in their hands. Apart from Arnold who was enthusiastically scribbling in his copy of the Book of Arnold, they were engaged in their daily scripture study. It was one of the few times in the day they felt they were actually doing anything close to what they were meant to be doing.

Scripture study was one of the most important hours of the day for Elder McKinley and as district leader he made sure every protesting elder was seated with a book in their hands. There was always complaining and moaning, elders getting up to get drinks or open windows, elders playing discreet games of tic tac toe in the corners of pages with their companions but, Connor always made sure everyone at least stayed put for the full hour. It was the least he could do.

As usual the elders were getting restless and Connor looked at his watch in dismay to find that only 20 minutes had passed. He felt like a mother tucking in his children as he tried to make sure everyone stayed put.

Elder Church had pulled out a few of the blank pages at the back of his book and had made some paper aeroplanes. He threw them all in turn at Chris. One grazed the top of his hair and the rest landed directly in Connor's lap.

Connor turned to James trying to remain calm. "Just sit still for another 40 minutes James, please"

"I'm so bored Connor I think I'm going to die"

"Me too" chimed in Elder Schrader.

"Same" chorused in several other elders.

"Well no one's going anywhere so suck it up" Connor said in a final tone and turned back to his own scripture.

Elder Davis did an incredibly accurate, silent impression of Connor behind his back complete with his characteristic hands on hips gesture causing the elders who noticed to giggle.

"What's so funny?" Connor turned to them, a hand on his hip causing the elders to laugh harder.

"Nothing" Elder Michaels managed in a strained high pitched voice before snorting and descending into a fit of giggles.

Connor pursed his lips and looked disapproving. "Not much longer. The time might actually go faster if you studied a bit"

They buried their heads back in their books shoulders visibly shaking.

James realised he wasn't going to be able to get Chris's attention now that Connor was so uptight. He decided his best bet was to stare until Chris looked up and then he would catch his eye. He wasn't sure why he thought this was a good idea as when Chris looked up and found James staring directly at him he raised an eyebrow causing James to blush crimson.

He smiled sheepishly and cocked his head ever so slightly towards the window. Chris looked back confused then getting James's meaning nodded his head a fraction.

James shot his hand into the air. "Please may I go to the toilet Miss McKinley?"

"Yes James you may" Connor replied without really thinking or looking up from his book. James smirked and the elders clutched their stomachs trying not to laugh. Elder Neeley gave up first letting himself give way to the laughter. The others quickly followed suit.

As Connor turned on them ready to let loose his anger, it only caused the others to laugh harder as they caught sight of his beet red face. Noticing that Connor was on the brink and looked fully ready to let it out on his district, Kevin quickly rushed to his side to soothe him.

Chris and James saw their advantage and as Kevin gently rubbed Connor's shoulders and the other elders continued to laugh, clearly happy that they had a reason to abandon their scripture, the pair quietly snuck from the room.

Once in the corridor, they tiptoed silently all the way to the back of the house and slipped out the back door. Once they made sure the door was fully closed behind them they let themselves snigger.

Chris sighed wiping away a small tear that had begun to form. "Please tell me you took me out here for something more fun than scripture study" he said as he turned to James.

"More fun than scripture study?" He smiled, "I don't think there is such a thing"

Chris hugged James tight. The man always knew how to make him smile, even during scripture study. James managed to be extraordinarily creative with his book, there was usually origami involved. He could turn the space between two pages into a pop up lotus flower with just a few simple folds.

Chris felt a clink in James's pocket and looked to James for an answer. In reply he withdrew from his pocket a loop of keys. Chris's eyes widened at the sight of them dangling from James's hands.

"Is that…?"

"Want to have some real fun?"

"Are those…?" Chris was beginning to get an excited feeling in his stomach as he stared at what he was absolutely certain were Elder McKinley's car keys. The mission provided each district with a jeep to use for transporting medicine, food and elders while doing community service outside the village. A jeep only the district leader was allowed to drive.

The pair made their way to the dirt track wear the battered vehicle was parked in the shade of an acacia tree.

"Can I drive James?" Chris said with excitement bounding into the front seat of the jeep.

"Do you even have a license?" James laughed at the tiny man's enthusiasm.

Chris just smiled not replying and turned the key in the ignition. The jeep rumbled to life. "It's not like there's any cars to hit or even a road" Chris said matter of factly.

The evening air was warm and inviting and it was just the right time of day before the mosquitoes came out. However, James could only half enjoy the pleasant evening.

Chris was a terrible driver, James had yanked the wheel away from him several times to avoid a collision but no one was around and it was extremely unlikely they would hit anyone on the deserted track.

Back in the mission centre, Connor had calmed down and the elders were once again pretending to read from their books. No one had noticed the two men missing they were all too preoccupied with their own boredom. Suddenly a loud crash echoed through the centre.

"It wasn't me" Arnold said immediately out of reflex.

"It's ok Arnold we know it wasn't you, it sounded like it came from outside" Kevin said moving over to the window, "Oh my gosh! Connor your jeep!"

Connor leapt up and ran to the window before shrieking at the sight of the mission jeep squarely crashed into a tree outside. "The mission president will kill me!"

James and Chris had decided abandoning ship was the best option. Chris allowed James to check him once over for injuries but he was fine. They hadn't been going very fast and the tall grass before the tree had cushioned most of the impact.

They bolted away from the scene of the crime and snuck quietly round the back of the centre before joining the elders in the living room. Not one of them noticed as they were all staring out the window. James and Chris tagged onto the back of the group and also stared out the window trying to blend in although their hearts were racing and their faces visibly flushed.

"Who could have done such a thing?" Chris said in an Oscar worthy performance of concern. Despite the trouble they could be in, James couldn't help but smile at Chris's dramatics.

"We'll have to make an enquiry" Connor said beginning to get flustered, "Ok no one mention anything to the president, he doesn't even have to know. Maybe never, we could fix it up and…um…Elder Church? Are those my car keys in your hand?"


	14. Rule 36

**Rule**** 36: Do not go on road trips**

"Has everybody got a lunch?"

"Yes Elder McKinley" came the chorus of elders.

"Has everybody got their seatbelt on?"

"Yes Elder McKinley"

"Has everybody got-"

"Connor! We're grown men we can manage!" Elder Church groaned.

"Says the man who crashed the mission car less than a week ago"

"It was an accident and anyway it was Chris who crashed the car"

"Hey! You gave me the keys"

"Can we go now" Kevin said loudly over the argument.

Connor started the mini bus which the mission president had found some budget for after they'd told a few white lies about what had happened to the jeep.

Connor made his way along the dirt track before pulling out onto the main road that led all the way to Kampala.

"Where are we going?" Elder Schrader called from the back of the bus where he was sitting with his companion Elder Neeley. They were leaning back their knees up on the seat in front, trying so hard to be the cool kids.

"You'll know when we get there" Connor replied in a sing song voice before catching sight of the boys in his mirror. "Sit up straight and put your seatbelt on"

"It is on"

"Elder Neeley I can see very clearly from here that it isn't"

Elder Neeley stuck out his tongue and reluctantly sat up.

"Can I eat my lunch now Elder McKinley?" Arnold asked beginning to open his bag.

"It's 9:30 in the morning!"

"I know...well?"

"No of course you can't"

Arnold disappointedly rewrapped his sandwiches.

"Can I eat my lunch Elder McKinley?" Elder Davis called out.

"Why does everyone want to start eating? No you've just had breakfast"

"Can I eat-"

"No one is eating their lunch until we get there!" Connor shouted turning bright red. A silence filled the bus broken only by the soft sniggers of Elder Schrader and Elder Neeley.

They drove on down the long stretch of road slowing down for the occasional goat. Connor thought it was almost peaceful.

"Are we there yet?" Elder Neeley's question provoked a stifled giggle from his companion.

"Does it look like we are there?" Connor replied stiffly.

"I don't know because you haven't told us where we're going"

Connor gripped the steering wheel tighter. "We'll get there when we get there"

"When will that be?"

"Soon"

"How soon?"

"Shut up Neeley" Kevin interjected.

The bus enjoyed a few seconds of peace.

"Are we there yet?"

"Shut up Schrader"

Elder Schrader and Elder Neeley had silently decided that it would be their mission to annoy Connor as much as possible. They began to softly sing slowly building up to a rousing chorus of 'We Beseech Thee'.

"Bus sing along!" Elder Schrader yelled. Soon everyone on the bus was singing wholeheartedly swinging along to the beat that Elder Neeley was conducting frantically to. Everyone except Connor.

Connor tensed, his face a rageful red, breathing deeply. He didn't understand how these adults could behave like such children.

"Come sing about love!" Elder Schrader belted taking on the role of Jesus.

"Love!" The bus echoed back.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Connor screamed. An incredibly awkward silence followed. Elder Neeley and Elder Schrader lowered themselves back into their seats and shrunk out of sight.

No one dared say anything for the next twenty minutes. They all stared out the window trying not to catch anyone's eye in case they started laughing.

They had been driving for another half an hour when Kevin turned to Connor. "Umm...Connor?" He said gently.

"What?" Connor whipped out, his wild eyes staring straight ahead.

"Now don't take this the wrong way but...we're lost aren't we"

"What makes you think that?" Connor said curtly.

"Because that sign says we're approaching Habrone. And we don't want to go to Habrone. In fact we don't want to go anywhere near Habrone"

"Maybe there was a change of plan"

"Connor you're lost just look at the map"

"I'm not lost"

"Just a quick glance at the map and-"

"Never" Connor whispered manically. Kevin was caught a bit off guard.

"I can take over the driving if you're getting tired"

Connor turned his head to Kevin. "I'm fine"

"Woah Connor watch it!" Kevin yanked the wheel to draw Connor back into the road.

"What are you doing?"

"Keeping us alive"

"You grabbed my wheel!"

"You were heading straight for the tree"

"Well maybe that was what I was going for"

"Connor just look at the map for heavens sake"

"I can't look at the map"

"Why not?"

"Because I didn't bring it with me"

The elders, who had been nervously listening in on the conversation, groaned audibly.

"What an idiot" Elder Church murmured under his breath.

"I heard that"

"Good"

"If you don't stay quiet back there I will turn this car right round"

"Please do, then we'll be going in the right direction"

"I warned you"

Everyone held on for dear life as Connor spun the wheel, performed a highly dangerous and highly illegal u turn and drove in the opposite direction.

They were driving for another half hour in silence before Kevin spoke again. "Maybe we should ask for directions"

"What a good idea Kevin. I know let's just ask one of the many people who are currently on this empty road in the middle of nowhere"

The road had turned into dirt track and the road signs had disappeared.

"It looks like we're approaching a village, we can ask there"

"We're not stopping"

"What is it with women and not wanting to ask for directions?" Elder Schrader said loudly.

"Fine" Connor pulled the bus to an abrupt halt and got out. He went up to the closest hut in the village and knocked on the door. The elders watched him from the windows.

"Should we tell him?" Elder Church said.

"Nah let's see how long it takes him to realise" Elder Neeley settled himself down comfortably to watch.

Connor was about to give up and get back on the bus when the door opened.

"Oh hello Connor!"

"N-N-Nabulungi? What are you doing here?"

"I live here"

"You do?"

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine I just..." He caught sight of the mission hut in the distance and groaned.

He blushed bright red as he climbed aboard the bus. "Right change of plan we're having a picnic instead. Everyone off the bus and bring your sandwiches"

"Is this the surprise location you were taking us to Connor?" Elder Neeley grinned.

"You're such a slow driver Connor. It's taken us over an hour to get a hundred metres" Elder Schrader said with mock seriousness.

Connor remained silent making sure everyone got off the bus safely.

"Arnold where are your sandwiches?"

"Oh sorry Connor I ate them"

"Yeah I ate mine too sorry" Elder Michaels said.

"Same" Elder Davis chimed in.

An hour later and they were all sitting by the lake. Chris and James had made a rope swing out of the nearby tree and were taking it in turns to splash into the water.

Elder Schrader and Elder Neeley were swimming, spraying water at everyone on the bank and trying to pass it off as an accident.

Connor had made a fresh batch of sandwiches and was now sitting with his feet in the water snacking from them.

"Never again. Never ever again" he said quietly as he received a much needed massage from Kevin smiling as he watched his boys wondering what he would ever do without them.


	15. Rule 3

**Rule 3: Read only books, magazines and other material authorized by the Church**

Elder Neeley was flicking through his copy of the 'white bible' searching for a decent rule to break.

"Anyone have any ideas?" He asked the group of elders who were clearing up after breakfast.

"What about having a lie in tomorrow?" Elder Schrader said while yawning.

"We do that anyway" Elder Neeley said pointing to the clock which read 11am. There wasn't much to do on preparation day anymore so Connor let them all sleep in. This didn't stop him rising at 6:30 every day to make sure everything was ready.

"Well what does everyone want to do today? We can shape the rule around it"

"I don't have any plans" Chris said flopping back onto the sofa.

"Why would you have plans? Where would you get plans from?" Elder Church sat down next to him.

"I might have planned something with you, I dunno" he shrugged.

"Well if nobody feels like breaking anything today we don't have to" Elder Neeley announced closing his booklet, "I'll just go and read"

"Is it church approved material?" Connor questioned.

"Why do you care?" He replied defensively.

"Oh I don't mind, but if it isn't then you can break rule number 3"

"Ooh yes please I don't think I've ever read anything that wasn't church approved" Chris said.

"Didn't you read that playboy once?" James frowned.

"Shut up" Chris said quickly beginning to blush.

"I'm up for storytime with Elder Neeley" Elder Davis sat down next to James and Chris, "What forbidden book did you bring?"

"He keeps a copy of The Great Gatsby under his pillow"

"Shut up Schrader!"

"Why?" Elder Davis probed and the other elders leaned in mildy curious.

"It doesn't matter. It's just a really good book" he mumbled blushing crimson.

"Well go and get it then" Elder Zelder prompted sitting cross legged on the floor leaning back onto James's knees.

When Elder Neeley returned the elders were all gathered round the sofa with a gap in the middle for him. He opened the book on the first page and looked to nine pairs of expectant eyes.

"To the love of my life and my special elder..." Elder Schrader read from the inscription peering over Elder Neeley's shoulder.

"Shut up" Elder Neeley whacked him on the arm.

"Sorry" he snorted grinning widely.

"Go on start" Elder Zelder leaned forward on his hands.

"In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since" He began.

"It's an oldy worldy book! You didn't say it was an oldy worldy book!" Chris moaned.

"It was written in the twenties!" Elder Neeley retorted.

"Well it sounds old and boring"

"I've read one line"

"Just carry on" James put an arm around Chris's shoulder to calm him down. Chris leaned in and reluctantly settled down to hear the story.

"And, after boasting this way of my tolerance, I come to the admission that it-"

"I don't understand" Arnold whined, "It doesn't make any sense!"

"It would if you stopped interrupting and just listened" Elder Neeley said through gritted teeth.

He managed to make it through chapter 1 without any further interruptions but there was a steep fall in concentration from this point on. The elders were starting to get restless and the fidgeting was getting more and more noticeable.

He'd been reading for over an hour when Arnold broke. "I'm sorry but I'm so hungry I think I'm going to die"

"Time for lunch" Connor sprang up and began laying the table.

"I'll cook" Kevin stood up too making his way to the kitchen.

"I'll help" Arnold said eagerly.

"No you won't"

"I'll lay the table then"

"Don't let him near the china"

"I'll do something" Chris said relieved to have an excuse to leave.

"Don't do all the work yourself" Elder Davis added joining Kevin in the kitchen. Soon Elder Neeley was left sitting alone with only James sitting at his feet.

"Did you like it?"

"Ummm, it was ok"

"I think everyone else hated it"

"Nah, why would you think that?"

Elder Neeley raised his eyebrows at James sceptically.

"I liked it" he said finally.

"Really?"

"Yeah it was very...romantic. Can I borrow it sometime?"

"Sure, I'm just glad someone enjoyed it. Remind me never to read to Chris again!"

"Oh you can leave that to me" James said smiling, thumbing through the well read book.


	16. Rule 141

**Rule 141: Be a frugal photographer**

"What's that you've got there Connor?"

"I think it's Davis's camera"

"Wasn't he going to fix it?"

"I thought so"

The other elders had tactfully decided to spend the day outside the mission centre and told both Elder Price and Elder McKinley they should stay behind. It was the first time they'd had the chance to be alone together and they had already made the most of it.

Elder Davis had found a camera at the market and had made sure everyone knew it was his passion to be a photographer. As Connor became more lax on the rules, he began to buy more and more film until it seemed like he was constantly taking hundreds of pictures.

But, he'd learnt the hard way that if you leave something lying around the mission centre, Arnold would probably pick it up. And if Arnold picked it up, the next time you tried to use it, it would probably be broken.

Connor turned the lens playfully on Kevin. "Hey! At least allow me to get dressed first!" Connor clicked the shutter as Kevin pouted.

"Don't worry about it, it's broken anyway"

Kevin snatched the camera away from Connor and pointed it at him. Connor just had time to grab a nearby Book of Mormon to cover himself before Kevin took a picture.

"Why so paranoid?" Kevin smiled, "If it's broken you don't need to worry"

"I'm just being cautious" Connor turned to the open window as he heard the sounds of approaching voices, "They're back soon"

"Hurry and get dressed"

The pair changed into their uniforms with dexterity smiling at the other elders as they traipsed in chatting and laughing.

"Get any placements?" Connor asked keenly.

"Oh we weren't working" Chris said.

"Then did you make yourselves useful?"

"Stop worrying Connor" Elder Davis said, "They were helping me set up for my slideshow"

"Slideshow?"

"Of my photography. Please say you remember?"

"Oh yeah your slideshow, I just thought, you know-"

"We can head over know"

Without letting Connor say another word, Elder Davis led them out into the centre of the village where a screen and an old fashioned projector was set up and some rickety chairs in rows. Some of the villagers were already gathered there and Elder Davis motioned for everyone to sit.

Kevin and Connor sat in the back row and watched as the first slide appeared on the screen. Kevin managed ten minutes of slides before he gave his first yawn. Elder Davis pretended not to notice and ploughed on showing his photos of animals, landscapes and villagers.

It was all going well until Kevin noticed Arnold trying to strain back a laugh. He looked around to see if anyone had noticed but the elders and Ugandans were staring intently at the screen.

Kevin coughed to get his attention then raised his eyebrows and mouthed 'what?' Arnold just grinned back and turned to the screen motioning for Kevin to do the same.

"And then I saw this rare species of Ocelot" Elder Davis was saying, "Here it is. And then this next slide is a close up and…oh my"

A few of the Ugandans sniggered at the photo now on the screen and Arnold's shoulders were now shaking.

"Elder Michaels? What are you…? What are you doing in my slideshow?"

"What's it look like he's doing?" Ghali called from the small audience, his neighbours laughing harder now.

The picture was of Elder Michaels, wearing nothing from the waist up, and enthusiastically singing into a hairbrush. He felt himself blush as Elder Davis flicked back and forth between the previous slide and the current offending one to see if he was just imagining it.

"What did you do?" Kevin whispered to Arnold.

"I just borrowed his camera for a bit, to take a few of my own pictures" He grinned, clearly very satisfied with himself.

Elder Davis looked between his slide and Elder Michaels who was sinking lower and lower in his chair unable to speak.

"Um, anyway, lets just carry on" He flicked the slide and his audience let out a collective snort again.

"Change it! Change it now please!"

"Elder Neeley?" Elder Davis was completely perplexed and also oblivious to the fun Kevin and Arnold were having in the back row. "What are you doing?"

"It looks like he'd reading?" Nabulungi said cheerfully, "On the toilet"

"Ewww Neeley that's gross!" Elder Schrader playfully batted his companion, "Just because we don't want to hear your dramatic readings of The Great Gatsby doesn't mean you have to go and hide while you read it!"

"Please just change the slide" Elder Neeley said blushing profusely.

Elder Davis willingly obliged but jumped at the shriek he heard from Elder Zelder. "Go back!"

"Where did you find that nail polish?" Connor tilted his head sideways at the image on the screen which showed Elder Zelder painting his toe nails with his tongue stuck out to the side. "And why are you painting your toes on those white towels?"

Elder Zelder laughed uneasily, "Move on please Elder Davis"

Elder Davis nodded, completely baffled. The elders had cottoned on to what was going on now and each was nervously fidgeting.

"Ok woah!"

"Oh hello Chris"

"Shut up James! Stop laughing! This is not funny, this is why we should invest in some indoor showers"

"Can I have a copy of that picture please Elder Davis?"

"No James no! Don't you dare give it to him Davis don't you dare!"

"Arnold I love you" Kevin whispered to his companion.

"Well I just took the opportunity while fixing his camera. No biggie"

"Wait what?"

Elder Davis had had the last straw. He turned to the audience. "Ok who has been using my camera?" Unsurprisingly no one answered. "Well whoever it is we'll work it out when a picture of you doesn't come up"

Kevin side eyed Arnold and noticed that he wasn't fazed by this. Arnold saw and smiled at his companion. "I planned ahead"

Sure enough there in the next slide was Arnold. A slightly tamer photo than the others perhaps, but still there was Arnold making stupid faces to the camera.

"You took one of me, right?" Kevin grinned at his companion, "Nothing too embarrassing I hope?"

"Oh…whoops"

"Arnold!"

Arnold had stopped listening though, as the next photo was one of Elder Schrader and Arnold was pointing and shouting something. "I knew it! I knew it!"

"It's a one off" Elder Schrader shifted comfortable.

"You're not a real trekkie. Everyone knows Star Wars is better and look at you now!" he gestured triumphantly to the photo of Elder Schrader holding one of Arnold's lightsabers. Looking incredibly suspicious but nonetheless enjoying himself.

Once Arnold had sat down and Elder Davis was now looking at a slide of Elder Church stealing one of Chris's Poptarts, Kevin turned urgently to Arnold.

"You fixed Davis's camera?"

"Yeah, yesterday why?"

"So it's not broken anymore?"

"No because I fixed it…duh"

"But Elder Davis is using slides at the moment right?"

"Oh no, Gotswana did a bit of tinkering with some parts he found in the market. We're looking at them straight off the camera"

"Oh god"

"What's wrong buddy?"

"Traitor!" Chris was now standing up and pointing down at Elder Church, "How dare you!"

"They're just Poptarts Chris, they're in the communal cupboard anyway"

"They. Are. Mine" He said sinisterly.

"Jeez I'll buy you some more"

"They won't be the same"

"What do you mean? They come in a packet!"

"But it won't be that Poptart will it!" He gestured towards the photo, "I want that one back"

"Guys guys calm down" Elder Davis was trying to save his slide show but quickly realising it wouldn't be possible.

Kevin didn't know whether to tell Connor what was coming or not. He was powerless to stop it. "Well this has all been very enlightening, but shouldn't we be turning in?" He stood up.

"But we haven't seen yours yet Kevin" Chris turned on him instantly dropping the Poptarts topic.

"Yeah Kevin, where's your picture?"

"No!" Kevin shouted but too late as Elder Davis flicked the slide. He relaxed a bit when he saw it. You couldn't make out much. It was obvious he was naked but the photo was so blurred you couldn't see anything.

"Connor?" James said slowly, "Umm…correct me if I'm wrong here but, I don't think we've come across a picture of you yet. Hmmm?"

Connor blanched and looked to Kevin for help but Kevin just looked back blankly not knowing what to do.

"I-I-I didn't take them" He stuttered, willing Elder Davis to stop hovering his finger over the button to change pictures.

"But you're the only one who hasn't had a picture Connor. That's a little bit suspicious don't you think?" Elder Neeley was speaking with a menace that matched the look in the other elder's eyes. They thought it was him sneaking up on them in the showerand other questionable acts.

"Ok, everybody calm down. There's, uh, well…um…there is another picture on there"

Elder Davis raised his eyebrows, moving his finger closer to the switch. Connor gulped. "And uh, if you see it, well…if you see it, you'll know I didn't take them"

Connor closed his eyes as Elder Davis pressed the button expecting a large reaction, but none came. Instead he heard an unfamiliar ratcheting sound.

"That's the end of the film" Elder Davis said disappointedly.

Connor exhaled all the breath in his lungs. "Thank God! You were this close to seeing me wearing nothing but a Book of Mormon" he sighed relieved, speaking without thinking.

There was a silence from the group and Connor felt his face burn. "What I meant to say was, uh, I didn't mean…"

"That's the end of the film…" Elder Davis repeated, "For that side. But…it's a double film camera and it automatically rolls on. So I just need to change the film round like so….and voila! One naked Connor ladies and gentlemen!"

"I hate you so much right now"

"Well lets just think about this moment before the next person borrows my camera for a little fun ok?"


	17. Rule 58

**Rule 58: Do not play full court basketball**

"Imma pop yo tart!"

"Shut up Chris" James said easily holding a basketball high out of his reach. Chris moved between the balls of his feet with bursts of energy but failing to the knock the ball out of Jame's hands.

"Calm down Chris!" Connor said placing a hand gently on his companion's shoulder, "Wait until we've started"

"I'm just saying I'm an amazing player so you should watch out for my skills"

The elders raised their eyebrows unimpressed at this statement.

Elder Zelder, one of the lankier missionaries, looked at him doubtfully.

"We'll see about that Chris. I was high school champion, I'm pretty sure you can't beat me"

"And you're only like...I dunno 4ft10" Kevin smirked.

"I'm 5ft9" Chris said indignantly.

"Lies!" James said, "I'm 5ft8 and you are way shorter than me. 5ft1 maybe"

"5ft7"

"2"

"5"

"4"

"Deal"

"I'll ref" Arnold said quickly.

"That makes uneven teams" Elder Zelder argued.

"I'll sit out too then" Connor said, "I don't think I remember the rules anyway"

"Seriously? You can't remember the rules? That's your excuse for not breaking the rules?" Kevin raised an eyebrow.

"Let's ask some villagers to play then" Elder Michaels suggested.

Half an hour later Arnold had managed to round up seven villagers, some more enthusiastic than others.

"What the fuck are we doing here?" Mutumbo asked.

"I told you guys" Arnold said calmly, "Basketball"

"Then where the fuck is the court?"

"We're standing on it" Elder Zelder gestured to the dirt where they'd marked out a court. They'd also attached a plastic bag to the wall of the mission hut as a make shift net.

"Do you want to pick teams now? Arnold's refing and it's eight to a team" Kevin explained.

"Hey hey I'm not playing!" Connor protested.

"You have to, for the numbers. Don't worry I'll make it up to you later"

"Do we start picking or what?" Ghali asked.

"I'm the captain of this team ok?" Mutumbo said loudly, "I'll pick first. Ghali, Gotswana, Naba, Middala, Kalimba and Kimbe"

"Umm you're supposed to take it in turns..." Elder Davis began.

"I don't care, that's my team"

"You need one more player"

"I don't need any of you white boys and your books on my team to win"

"But the numbers-"

"Fine, I'll take whichever one is left over after you pick"

"Well I'm captain" James said.

"Says who?" Kevin protested.

"Says me. I picked the rule. Ok elders, I'll take Neeley, Schrader, Price, Zelder, Michaels, Davis and..."

He paused to think.

"Connor, I'll take you"

He joined the rest of the elders where they were standing in a clump leaving Chris by himself.

"Oh come on! He doesn't even know the rules!"

"Sorry" James said not looking sorry one bit, "You're on Mutumbo's team"

He walked nervously over to the man who towered above him almost twice his size.

"Trust us to get the useless one" Gotswana groaned.

"Excuse me but I'll have you know that I'm the best player here"

There was a collective snort from the Ugandans as they took their places on the makeshift court.

Arnold raised his fingers to his mouth to whistle, made a mess of it, and ended up just shouting 'go!'

As expected the Ugandans were quite a bit better than the Mormons at basketball. Elder Neeley did come close to getting the ball close to their end but as he raised his arms to shoot he dropped the ball.

"Foul! Blatant foul!" He cried looking at Arnold for support.

"I wasn't paying attention, sorry what happened?"

"Nabulungi kicked me in the shins while I was shooting"

"Did you kick Elder Neeley Naba"

"No of course not Arnold" she said innocently, batting her eyelashes at him.

"She's lying! It was really painful I'll probably get a bruise"

"Even if I did, it wouldn't have been very hard, so if I did, which I didn't, you shouldn't be such a cry baby about it" she said pointedly.

Meanwhile Chris was sulking in a corner of the court, making grumpy faces. He was checking them out in the mission hut window reflection to make sure they were attractive grumpy faces and was then pouting whenever James ran past.

"Stop it Chris, I can see what you're doing and it doesn't change a thing"

"I'm just saying maybe we won't sit in the kitchen for hot chocolate tonight"

"You sit and drink hot chocolate together! Oh that sounds like fun can I join?" Elder Davis said enthusiastically.

All the elders around who heard paused and gave him a look.

"What? Oh..."

James smiled apologetically and then dribbled down the other end of the court.

"Oi! Stop moping around and get your ass down here!" Gotswana called, "Now show us what you've got"

Chris side eyed James and squinted a determined look on his face.

Once the ball was in play Chris took possession easily amidst the scrum and then agily skirted through his companions.

He easily made it to the other end without losing contact, took a few seconds to shoot but then scored.

He grinned at the elders who stared in shock as he high fived Ghali.

"Beginners luck" James mumbled.

They played some more every time Chris managing to squirrel the ball away and pass to a team mate or slip out a group to be available to shoot.

The Uganda team plus Chris were miles ahead as the sun began to set over the village. The missionaries politely but disgruntled shook their hands and then traipsed back into the hut aching and defeated.

"You are quite the player elder" Naba complimented causing Chris to smile brightly.

"Yeah you really showed them!" Kalimba said impressed.

"Nobody messes with Chris Thomas. I'm a scrappy little nugget when I need to be"


	18. Rule 35

**Rule 35: Stay with your companion during all activities**

"98, 99, 100! Coming to get you!" Elder Thomas took his hands away from his eyes and regarded the empty room before him. They'd set the boundaries as within their proselytizing zone, but Chris still thought he had a good chance.

He walked a few paces before he thought he heard something behind him. He glanced over his shoulder to find Elder Zelder frozen in motion about to take another step.

"Um...got you? You know the idea is to hide right?"

"Yeah I just thought if I followed you round really closely behind you, you'd never find me"

"That's really dumb"

"It rather does look that way"

"Ok well, you wait here I have people to find"

He rolled his eyes as he made his way out of the living room and into the kitchen.

"Elder Price?"

"Oh come on!" Kevin looked quite displeased at having been found, and it was more than the usual amount of anguish necessary for a hide n seek game.

"Why is everyone so bad at this game? You have to hide for goodness sakes"

"Hey, I'm trying to make some coffee here. Please don't tell Elder McKinley"

"Dude seriously"

"Did you just call me dude Chris?"

"Uh...no, I won't tell him"

Slightly disappointed that this was turning out to be easier than expected, Elder Thomas continued his search into the bedrooms.

"Helloooo?" He called into each one as he opened the doors and checked under the beds"

"Hello?" He pushed open the door to Kevin and Arnold's room, "Is anyone even trying?" He said to himself as the loud snores of Elder Cunningham came to his ears.

He was walking back down the corridor when he heard a bump from inside his and Elder McKinley's room.

He burst through the door hoping to catch him off guard but was met with an empty room. He scanned around with his eyes before rolling them and flinging open the door to the wardrobe.

"Great hiding place Connor!"

"Sarcasm?"

"Yes sarcasm. You're in a cupboard"

"I thought it was a good idea at the time"

"You're literally in the closet. This is not a good idea"

"How many have you found so far?"

"Half in the space of about two minutes, you guys are awful"

"I guess we don't get much practice"

Elder Thomas nodded and allowed Connor space to get out his hiding place before setting on his way again. He drifted once more around the mission hut before deciding no one else was hiding there and headed outside.

"Ok you have got to be kidding me. Elder Michaels I'm looking straight at you"

"Dang it!"

"Hey why aren't you...wearing a shirt?"

"I thought it would help me blend in better with the environment if I was shirtless"

"You're standing in front of a house"

"Yep"

"You're trying to blend in with a house"

"Yep"

"And you thought being shirtless would help you in your endeavours"

"I didn't really think it through"

"Clearly"

"If you want some advice I saw Davis and Church head down to the lake"

"Thanks, see you later and...put some clothes on"

As Chris headed on down to the lake he began to here some not so subtle voices.

"This is the best idea I think I've ever had"

"So right! He'll never find us"

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"Ok so don't panic but I think I just felt a leech"

Chris winced as he heard a scream and Elder Church sprint past him. Elder Davis followed, dripping in lake water, but stopped as he saw Elder Thomas.

"Oh hi"

"Were you sitting in the lake?"

"Well we were just sort of..."

Chris raised an eyebrow.

"Well yes, yes we were sitting in the lake. This is true"

"Nobody can play this game here" he muttered wandering back towards the mission hut.

"Not true! Elder Neeley has a great hiding place"

"Oh really where?"

"The cupboard under the sink"

"Thanks"

"I mean nowhere! He's not there, don't even bother looking, he's probably gone to the market or something. Aw no please don't go there"

Back in the mission hut Elder Thomas opened the cupboard under the sink saying "Gotcha!" Loudly in the process.

"Found you! Now all I-" he froze mirroring the stunned stillness Elder Neeley was locked in.

"Elder Neeley? Answer me truthfully. Those are my poptarts aren't they?"

"...no"

"Why you little-! I'm gonna kill you!"

Elder Neeley shrunk further back into the cupboard but then realised this technique might get him clawed to death so he scrambled out and ran from the kitchen. He left an incriminating trail of crumbs and an empty poptarts box behind.

The found elders were all sitting nonchalantly in the living room. Elder McKinley rose as Elder Thomas entered seeing his companion fuming and attempted to calm him down.

After ten minutes of repeatedly telling him that there were plenty of poptarts in the sea, which was the best Elder McKinley could come up with, he resolved to never play hide n seek again. Or at least not with this lot.

A few hours later Elder Neeley would ask where his mission companion was and no one would be able to answer. For Elder Schrader was the only elder who took hide n seek seriously. And seriously in this case means sun bathing on the roof for the afternoon.


	19. Rule 140

**Rule 140: Do not waste money on unecessary items**

"Umm Elder Price?"

"Yes?"

Kevin looked up from breakfast to see Poptarts standing in front of him, a worried look on his face.

"It's Connor" Kevin sat up straighter at this.

"What's wrong? Has something happened?"

"Well he's a bit upset. His taps have come off his shoes"

"I'll go talk to him"

Kevin rose from the table and made his way to Elder McKinley's room. He raised a hand to knock on the door but before he could-

"Go away!" He heard Connor cry from inside"

"Connor sweetie, it's me"

"Leave me alone!" Connor could be quite the prima donna when he wanted to be.

"I'm coming in"

"No!"

"Yes"

"The door's locked"

"There is no lock on your door"

There was a moment of silence as Kevin listened to the sniffles from inside. Then he turned the door handle.

"Don't you dare Elder Price!"

Kevin ignored him and entered the room to find Connor on the bed, curled up and cradling the broken tap shoes.

"It's not that bad" he said resting a comforting hand on Connor.

"It's the worst thing that's ever happened to me" he whispered dramatically.

"We'll just go and get you some new ones"

"Where are we going to find taps in the middle of rural Uganda?"

"You'd be surprised what you can find at the market"

"Well it doesn't matter if there's a tap megastore just round the corner, I can't buy them anyway"

"Why not?"

"Rule 140" he said as if this was obvious.

"Which one's that again?"

"What happened to you Elder Price?"

"I got bored of the rules, we all did. There is seriously no point in keeping to something that doesn't make you happy"

"Do not waste money on unnecessary items. Last time I checked, taps were unnecessary"

"Well so is coffee and poptarts and goodness knows whatever else our district hides from the president. Let's take a trip to the market today and you can decide then if you want them or not"

Connor thought for a moment and then nodded, wiping his eyes.

"Great!" Kevin said cheerfully, "I'll tell the others.

The elders looked up expectantly as he entered.

"Well?" Poptarts asked.

"Good knews! We're going shopping!"

They'd all been to the market before, to get supplies or to proselytize with the merchants, but this time was different. This time they would actually get to choose what they bought instead of getting things off the list Elder McKinley provided.

Filled to the brim with excitement, the elders bounded down the dirt track that led to the market. The market served several surrounding villages and so was quite a trek away, but the elders didn't notice this as they discussed what they were going to buy.

"How much coffee do you think you'll be able to carry back?" Arnold jokingly asked his companion.

"I'm thinking maybe ten or eleven kilos" he replied with seriousness.

Arnold laughed but then stopped at the expression on Kevin's face.

"Oh God, you're actually serious. You're actually going to buy that much coffee"

"What about you?"

"I want to get something nice for Naba. Maybe I'll get some trading cards and teach her to play"

"Those better be two separate things right?"

"You don't think she'll want trading cards?"

"I'd get her something else if I were you buddy"

"Lots and lots if poptarts!" Elder Thomas was enthusiastically telling Elder Davis beside him who was trying his best to stay interested.

"What flavour?" James humoured him.

"Every flavour"

"How many are there?"

"27" he answered promptly.

"We don't have room for 27 boxes of poptarts"

"Who said I was only buying one box of each?"

"Ok" Elder McKinley turned to his team as they arrived at the market, "Don't go crazy and all purchases have to be approved by me. Now a few rules before we beg-"

Connor was cut off my the stampede of elders past him into the market. Within two seconds they'd all disappeared into the maze of stalls.

"Stay in pairs!" He called after their vanishing forms. He looked around for Elder Thomas but couldn't see him anywhere, then he realised everyone had gone off by themselves. This was going to be a nightmare.

Elder Thomas had found his way to the stand where he usually bought his poptarts. He wasn't going to question how they found their way there or why the flavours on the boxes sometimes didn't correspond to the flavours on the inside.

"Poptarts boy!" The merchant greeted him as he approached.

Chris beamed at the sight of dozens of poptarts boxes piled up on top of each other.

"Strawberry?" The man asked producing a couple of Chris's favourite flavour. Chris shook his head.

"Not today thanks. Today, I want all of them" he spoke in an intense whisper his eyes wide as he beheld the boxes.

Meanwhile, on the other end of the market Elder Neeley and Elder Schrader had managed to stick together and were looking at stationary.

"I want to write some more letters home" Elder Neeley said looking through the paper on offer.

"It's not illegal you know. Here" he handed his companion some plain paper, "Now let's go and find something interesting"

"No no you don't understand, it has to be special. I want to write some letters to my girlfriend"

"Ewww"

"Don't smirk like that!"

"I told you not to talk about all that gross lovey dovey stuff in front of me"

"How about this?" Elder Neeley ignored the remark holding up some pink paper.

Elder Schrader saw it and snorted in derision straight away.

"Stop laughing!" Elder Neeley began batting at his companion, "It's not funny"

Two aisles over, Kevin was trying to barter his coffee down.

"10 UGX is all I can do" he said in a self confident tone holding onto a sack of coffee. The seller shook his head.

"That's 10 kg of the best, I'll take no less than 25 UGX"

"But I need it" Kevin held tight to the coffee like a new born child. The seller reached out to take it back but, Kevin spun out his way.

"25" the man repeated, hands on his hips.

"Fine" Kevin said reluctantly, handing over the money. The man smiled and sent him on his way, protectively cradling the massive bag of coffee.

As he walked away carrying his treasure he met a flustered Elder McKinley, an irritated Elder Thomas in tow.

"There you are!" He breathed a sigh of relief, anxiously running a hand through his hair, "Thank goodness I found you! I just stopped Poptarts making a huge purchase of...well poptarts"

"It was only 27 boxes" Poptarts said grumpily.

"We had no where to keep them. I knew you'd be sensible Kevin and not go making rash decisions..." he began slowing down at the end of his sentence as he caught sight of the enormous coffee bag Kevin was holding.

"How come Kevin's allowed coffee?"

"Kevin I'm very disappointed in you" Connor said heavily, looking nervously at the coffee, "I'm going to have to ration that for you otherwise you'll drink it all at once"

"How come Kevin's allowed coffee?" Poptarts moaned more insistently this time.

"Chris?" Kevin said mischievously, "Run!"

He took the hint and sprinted off in the other direction as Kevin blocked Connor from moving in the narrow aisles.

"Run Poptarts run!" Kevin shouted after him grinning before turning to his district leader who had his hands on his hips, thoroughly unimpressed.

"You are in so much trouble"

"Lighten up! Let's go and find you some taps"

"They won't have any"

"Goodness someone fell out the wrong side of bed this morning"

"I'm just saving myself the disappointment"

"Well there's no harm trying, come on" Kevin took Connor's hand encouragingly and led him through the maze in search of taps.

Zoom over to the other side of the market and Elder Zelder was clutching a small bag to his chest. He was trying to find his way out, but was unsurprisingly lost. He was about to give up looking and wait for someone to come and find him when he spotted Elder Michaels. He waved him over.

"What have you got there?" Elder Michaels gestured to the bag with interest.

"It's a surprise"

"Ok don't scare me"

"A nice surprise"

"Can you give me some advice on these shirts I found?"

"Something tells me you wouldn't wear them"

"You haven't even seen them yet!"

"I just have a good instinct"

While Elder Michaels tried to persuade Elder Zelder to at least look at the shirts, metres away Elder Davis was looking through a rack of imported gossip magazines. Most of them were over several months old, but he was eagerly flicking through. He chose a decent sized stack to take with him as he saw Connor and Kevin approach.

"Elder Davis put those back right now!"

"Too late"

"Stop smirking Kevin, this is bad enough as it is"

It took Connor nearly an hour to round up all his boys, rescuing Elder Schrader and Elder Neeley from a suspicious looking smokey room just in time.

Almost at the end of his tether Elder McKinley looked incredibly worried and weathered.

"I hope you all found what you needed and didn't spend too much" he said sarcastically, "Who knows how I'll explain this expenditure to the mission president"

"27 boxes! 27!" Chris said excitedly.

"You better share" Elder Church warned.

"Well I do have plenty, I just ran over and grabbed all the boxes I could before Connor tried to stop me and look at them all! Just-" he stopped short as he looked at the boxes he was holding in his hands, "Oh my God"

"What's wrong?"

"Toaster strudel" he whispered, "It's-it's-toaster strudel"

"Oh well they taste the same"

"Tastes the same?!"

Elder Church stepped out of Poptart's reach, which was good planning as he suddenly looked terrifying.

"Guys guys calm down!" Elder Zelder stepped in, "I have a nice surprise to cheer you up"

The elders turned to look at him expectantly and then to the bag he carried. He withdrew a ball of wool and some knitting needles.

"I might be a bit out of practise but, I thought maybe I could knit everyone some socks"

He received a cold silence and some odd looks from the other elders.

"What?" Elder Zelder questioned confused.

"Socks?" His companion answered, "Woollen socks in Uganda?"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time" he said quietly.

"Did you find some taps Connor?" Elder Davis asked to change the subject.

"As I predicted there is no where to get taps in rural Uganda. So to answer your question no"

"We'll find some somewhere if we look hard enough" Kevin reassured him.

"We'll never find them!" Connor almost shrieked, "Never! I'll just have to start using my spares"

"Wait what? Spares? You have spares?"

"Well of course I have spares Kevin. What do you think I'd do if I broke my first pair? I need them just in case I...oh...sorry"

Back in the mission hut, during their downtime which was quickly becoming all the time, the elders relaxed in the living room. The familiar tapping of Elder McKinley was coming from the bedroom area, Elder Price was making a very strong cup of coffee, Elder Church was trying to convince Elder Thomas that toaster strudel wasn't that bad, Elder Cunningham was losing a game of top trumps with Elder Schrader, Elder Neeley was writing a letter home to his girlfriend on flowery pink paper that he mistakenly thought was romantic, Elder Davis was excitedly flicking through a cosmo, Elder Zelder despite everyone's protests insisted on knitting everyone a pair of socks and Elder Michaels hadn't bought a shirt.


	20. Rule 43

**Rule 43: Do not participate in athletic teams**

"Athletics?" Chris said nervously.

"Yeah it will be just like highschool" James's enthusiasm was not shared.

"That doesn't sound like fun at all" Connor added, "I hated athletics"

Most of the other elders began nodding in agreement. James looked at Chris crestfallen.

"But what did you do at school then?"

"I tried to stay out of everyone's way and not get punched" Connor said simply.

"I used to just sit in the library" Chris told James apologetically.

"Oh yeah, I remember that" James replied.

"I was in marching band!" Arnold shouted, "I played the tuba!"

James turned to Kevin. "You must have done sport right?"

"Actually no not really. I spent nearly all my time doing scripture study, preparing for this"

"Oh"

"I was on the school team" Elder Schrader stepped forward grinning.

"Yeah but what for?" James said sceptically.

"I was in the winning team for golf three years in a row"

"You were the only one who played golf in the entire state of Colorado, it's really not an achievement" Elder Neeley scoffed at his companion, "Anyway you only picked golf as an option because you knew you wouldn't have to do it. I saw you sneaking away to play videogames with all those nerds"

"Jealous we didn't invite you?"

"I didn't want to play"

"Good because you were terrible"

"Guys guys!" Connor interrupted, "I don't see any harm in trying Elder Church's ideas. It won't be competitive and would give some of us the chance to win something sporty for the first time in our lives"

"What positive thinking" Elder Davis said sarcastically.

Connor shrugged. "You never know it might be fun"

"Ok then" James said in a rallying tone and led them all out of the centre onto the dirt path that led to the lake, "We can run up and down here"

"Running?" Chris looked alarmed, "No one said anything about running"

"Yeah I don't run" Elder Zelder said in a matter of fact tone.

"What do you mean you don't run? Of course you can run!" James could see he was failing at getting the elders interested, "If you were being chased by a lion I think you'd be able to run then"

"When I say I don't run what I mean is I don't run in front of other people"

"Neither" Chris said hurriedly.

"Well what did you think athletics meant?" James asked desperately.

"I dunno, high jump?"

"No offence Poptarts, but I don't think you'd be much good at that" Elder Davis laughed.

"What do I do? I didn't bring my tuba"

"We could all cheerlead for James while he runs" Elder Zelder suggested.

"Ok you run round and when you come back we'll have a cheer all ready for you" Chris encouraged James.

Elder Church looked suspiciously at the nodding and smiling group and then set off on a job.

"It better be good!" He called over his shoulder as he disappeared round a corner into the brush.

"Ok everybody, scram!" Chris whispered as the elders scattered until they regrouped in front of the mission hut.

"Did he honestly think we'd want to do athletics? He's nuts!" Elder Neeley said breathlessly reflecting the state of most of the elders, who probably hadn't run since high school.

"Trivial pursuit anyone?" Connor laid the board out on the table and everyone eagerly gathered round. A competitive sport they really could get into.

Elder Church burst through the mission door twenty minutes later and stood fuming in the doorway for a few second.

"No one talk to me" he said as he stalked off to the bedrooms. No one looked up from the intense game they were playing.

"Dinner's in ten" Connor called after him.

"What is it?"

"Rice again sorry"

"Ok see you in a bit" they heard a door shut and then opened again and slammed as James added an afterthought, "But still no one talk to me because I hate you all"


	21. Rule 41

**Rule 41: Do not listen to unauthorised audio cassettes/CD**

"Step ball change toe heel toe shuffle toe heel toe shuffle step ball change"

Kevin furrowed his brow and tried to concentrate on reading but it was difficult with the incessant sounds of tapping from next door. Not to mention Connor calling out the steps.

"Why do they have to have their tap rehearsals during study time?" Kevin said to his companion irritably. Arnold shrugged and carried on decorating his copy of the book with post it notes.

"If it was just him it might be ok, but then they all do it at the same time. It's just so loud"

"Well it is a rehearsal" Arnold said, "It would be stupid if they did it at different times"

The tapping stopped and Kevin muttered 'thank you' to no one in particular. He tried to bury himself in the book once more but as soon as he tried it started up again.

"For heavenly father's sake this is ridiculous! Shut up!"

The tapping stopped again. A pair of feet tapped its way to the living room and opened the door. Connor stuck his head round with a smile on his face.

"Did you want something darling?" He said in a sing song voice.

"I'm trying to read"

"Oh I do hope we're not disturbing you. We'll try to keep the noise of our laughter and joy to a minimum, just for you darling"

Arnold smirked as Kevin hunched over his book again. Connor tapped out the room and soon after, the sounds of the other elder's tap dancing reached them again.

"I wouldn't mind so much if we were doing it too"

"Oh so you're jealous" Arnold said looking at Kevin knowingly over the top of his glasses, "I see"

"What? No of course not"

"Well Connor's told you before why you can't join in. I'm not dancing and he needs an even number, they were rehearsing long before we came so you'd have too far to catch up, and mostly importantly, you can't dance to save your life"

"Yes I can"

"No Kevin you really can't"

"I can do everything"

"Except dancing"

Kevin turned his book over and stood up making towards the door.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to prove you wrong"

"Good luck with that"

Kevin tried to think of a retort but fell short and decided to just leave with whatever dignity he had.

He marched into Connor's room forcing the elders to stop dancing.

"Kevin we're trying to practice" Elder Neeley said joining a few of the other elders in glaring at him.

"I need to ask Connor something"

"Can't it wait?" Connor said exasperated, switching off the music.

"No"

"Fine what is it?"

"I want to dance"

The reaction was immediate. The elders burst out laughing.

"Watching's a very important role in dancing too" Connor said serenely, the trace of a smirk on his face.

"I want to dance" Kevin repeated more adamant this time.

"But you can't" Elder Schrader sniggered.

"Why not?"

"Because...well because you can't"

"I can learn"

"Twenty says you can't"

"Elder Schrader! Gambling is a sin!"

"Twenty says I can"

"Kevin!"

"Oh shh Connor, listening to that music is against the rules too but I don't see you complaining"

"I can't let you bet twenty on being able to dance. It's too much money to lose"

"Will you teach me?"

Connor looked Kevin up and down contemplating.

"Possibly"

"I'll split the winnings"

"Done"

An hour later, Connor had moved the furniture to the sides of the living room and had taken everything off the shelves.

"Where is all the stuff?"

"I'm not risking you breaking anything" Connor explained, "Ok we'll start simply with some one sounds"

"What?"

"Just copy me. This is a toe" Connor proceeded to show Kevin the simplest of steps for him to copy. Ten minutes later and he was already losing patience.

"No Kevin like this"

"Like this?"

"No no not like that. Not like that at all"

"Like this?"

"What are you even doing?"

"It's too hard" Kevin wailed stubbornly. Connor sighed, his hands on his hips as he watched Kevin flail with the steps a few moments more.

"Maybe tap's not for you. Why don't we try jazz or something"

"Jazz is a type of dance?"

"Oh god"

"I'm sorry, I thought it was going to be easy"

"Just because you're really good at some things doesn't automatically make you good at everything"

"So what do we do now?"

"I hope you have twenty dollars"

"There must be an easy dance I can do"

"Do you want to try waltzing?"

Connor attempted to teach Kevin how to waltz. He didn't realise how difficult Kevin would be and was quickly discovering he had two left feet.

"Ouch!"

"Sorry"

"That was my foot!"

"I said sorry"

"Maybe it would be easier if you led, then you'd be going forwards"

Kevin tried leading. Kevin failed.

"I give up" Connor said raising his hands exasperatedly.

"You can't give up, I never lose!"

"I'm sorry but this is impossible"

Kevin went over to the dilapidated cassette player where a slow waltz was playing. He flicked through some of the other tapes.

"There must be something I can dance to" he said desperately.

Later that day the other elders were sitting outside in the shade of a tree, books open on their laps as a pretence for their conversation.

"Do you think he'll do it?" Elder Davis asked.

"Are you kidding?" Elder Michaels laughed, "Kevin can't dance"

"Connor's teaching him though"

"Yeah but still, it's Kevin"

Elder Schrader wandered over from the direction of the mission hut a huge grin on his face.

"Guess who's winning a bet?"

"Is he that bad?" Elder Zelder said sceptically.

"I was watching him through the window. Yes he's that bad"

"This should be a good show"

"Well by the end of it Connor isn't going to have any feet left!"

It was later on still, when Connor and Kevin had been at it all afternoon that Arnold tentatively knocked on the door.

"What do you want?" Kevin said wiping his forehead.

"It's only me" Arnold replied stepping into the room, "The guys say that if you can't show them something in an hour you lose"

"You might as well give up now Kevin, save us all from second hand embarrassment" Connor said generously. Kevin flopped on the couch and kicked his shoes off.

"It's hopeless. But I can't lose, I never lose anything"

"Wait I have an idea" Arnold said rushing over to the pile of tapes and selecting one, "You can dance to this right?"

Kevin looked at the song and raised an eyebrow.

"Seriously?"

"No one can get this dance wrong so they can't fault you"

"I don't know..."

"Any better ideas?"

"Ok fine"

"Hang on a second" Connor interjected, "You're telling me I just spent all day teaching Kevin to dance so at the end of it he could do the macarena? I give up I'm done"

Much to Connor's chagrin, Kevin decided to go through with the plan which was the best chance he had of not losing the bet.

The elders eagerly gathered against the wall of the living room with stupid grins on their faces. It wasn't often they got to see Kevin Price fail at something and they all wanted front row seats.

"So what did you teach him Connor?" Poptarts asked already digging into a box of the treats as a pre show snack.

"We tried tap, jazz, waltzing, tango, salsa, I even showed him zumbaa for the hell of it. He wasn't much good at anything and I was losing hope"

"So what's he doing?"

The other elders could just stare as Arnold started playing the song.

"I don't know about you" Elder Schrader said to his companion, "But this is the most awkward thing I've ever seen"

"So incredibly awkward" Elder Neeley agreed.

Connor looked at the floor to avoid seeing everyone, the embarrassment visible on his face.

"Someone save him" Elder Church groaned, "I can't take this"

Arnold jumped in next to his companion enthusiastically if somewhat inaccurately joining in the dance. Gradually the elders trickled in most of them waiting until the next song.

Soon the living room had turned into a makeshift disco, the elders now flinging themselves into the first bit of fun they'd had for weeks.

Tap shoes and sparkly vests aside, the elders found themselves enjoying dancing most when Connor wasn't leaning down their necks enforcing strict choreography every second.


	22. Rule 50

**Rule 50: Do not engage in mountain cimbing**

Mount M'roto could be seen on the horizon from the village. It wasn't that far away but the haze and ripples made it appear so. When Connor had announced one morning that it was his intention to climb it the reaction had been one of amusement.

"You'll never get to the top." Elder Thomas laughed at him cramming another poptart in his mouth.

"You'll probably be eatenby wild animals." Elder Neeley added sagely reaching for the plate of poptarts before they were quickly snatched away.

"You'll never do it by yourself," Elder Thomas continued, "It's way too high."

"Well it's a good thing you're all coming too then isn't it."

"What?" Kevin snorted, "I'm not climbing a mountain."

"Oh yes you are. I wrote to the zone leader last week and he thinks it's an excellent idea." Connor replied smugly, "He thinks it's the perfect way to spend our day of rest."

"Day. Of. Rest." Kevin emphasised each word stressing the last one most of all, "Not day of mountain climbing."

"Hand on a second." Elder Michaels said pulling out his white bible, "This is against the rules, number 50. How did you get the zone leader to agree to this?"

The elders looked accusatorily at Connor but he looked unfazed.

"I am the zone leader."

"You're the district leader and the zone leader? I thought this was a democracy."

"Plot twist," Arnold said, "He's mission president as well and also the angel Moroni."

"Don't be ridiculous Arnold," Connor admonished, "Anyway, it will do you all some good."

The next morning Connor had risen early to prepare all the elders a packed lunch and then had gone round to wake them. Unsurprisingly there hadn't been much enthusiasm.

He gently shook his companion but the only response was a loud groan.

"It's the weekend." Poptarts mumbled into his pillow.

"Yes and today we're climbing a mountain." Connor tried to add layers of enthusiasm. Finally he rose from the bed and yawned before traipsing into the living room an utterly unimpressed look on his face.

The other elders were putting up more of a fight. He managed to assemble all the elders in the living room and was met with bleary eyed, yawning faces.

"7, 8, 9...where's Elder Schrader?"

"Oh he um...he has a..." Elder Neeley thought for a moment then yelled down the corridor, "What was it?"

"Leg!" Came the shouted reply.

"Yes his leg it's uh, it's broken, yes he has a broken leg. So unfortunately he can't come today and someone should probably stay with him so..."

"Oh no what a shame." Connor said sarcastically before ushering the elders outside the mission hut. "Bye Elder Schrader, feel better soon!"

Once the elders were all outside Connor went back inside and shut the door. He settled himself on the sofa to wait.

A minute later Elder Schrader appeared walking with a spring in his step and a grin on his face. He went to the cupboard and took out a box of poptarts and unwrapped the foil. He was about to take a bite when he froze, his hand hovering in mid air.

"How's your leg?" Connor asked pleasantly.

"Really painful."

"I see."

There was a silence as Elder Schrader slowly put the poptart back in the box. Connor opened the door and smiled at him as he waved him out to join the other elders.

"Has anyone else broken any limbs?" He addressed to the disgruntled group. There was a general muttering as each elder consoled their companion.

It took them an hour to reach the foot of the mountain. They gazed up, the summit shrouded in mist deceptively high above them.

"Is everybody ready?"

"No." Came the chorus.

"Alrighty then, off we go."

As the day wore on the elders eased up about their trek and Connor suggested they play a game to pass the time. Kevin and Arnold volunteered and Connor explained.

"You go through the alphabet and think of movies until someone can't think of one."

"I'll start." Kevin said confidently.

"Ok start with A."

"I know the alphabet Connor. Aladdin."

"B...um...Brokeback mountain."

Arnold side eyed the pair of them before continuing.

"Close Encounters of the Third Kind."

"Dumbo."

"Evita."

"Fantastic Four."

"G...G...I don't think there is a disney movie beginning with G."

"It doesn't have to be disney." Connor sighed, "It can be anything."

"I give up."

"If Kevin's giving up me too."

Meanwhile further back in the snaking line of elders a group was playing eye spy.

"...something beginning with T."

"Tree?" Elder Church replied to Elder Davis.

"Yep, your turn."

"Ok um...R."

"Rock?"

"Yeah, you again I guess."

"S."

"Sky?"

"Ok this is too easy there's nothing to see."

"Wait wait, I've got a good one."

"Go on."

"T T."

"Two T's?"

"Yeah."

"Ok um...two trees?"

"Nope."

"Three trees?"

"Give up?"

"Yep."

"The top!"

"Praise Christ!" Elder Davis shouted and as they emerged from all the trees and shrubbery to a small landing that overlooked the plane area and also the village of Kitguli.

"I can see our house from here." Arnold said excitedly pointing.

"Wow." Chris whispered as he looked at clouds at his eye level.

"We're not at the top yet," Connor intoned, "This is just a rest landing, we're not even half way."

"This is good enough for me." Kevin sat himself down and reached for his lunch. There was a round of acceptance before the other elders joined him with their lunch.

They didn't climb any further that day. Connor wasn't angry that they hadn't reached the top. In fact, as he sat and watched the elders talk and laugh over lunch, he felt immensely proud of all of them.


	23. Rule 73

**Rule 73: Do not retire after your companion**

The mission hut was silent. The only sounds outside were the trees gently grazing against the walls in the wind and the occasional night bird's call. Within, all the elders were tucked in bed, fast asleep.

Well almost all of them.

Elder McKinley told his boys that on sunday evenings they should only play one board games and then it was time for bed. Unfortunately this had not taken into account that on certain evenings someone might beat Elder Price. Whenever this happened, Kevin wouldn't let anyone hear the end of it, until he'd won a game.

On that particular sunday night, it was a game of twister and Connor had sent them all off to bed before there was time for a rematch.

The elders padded in their socks towards the living room, tensing on each creek and being extra careful when sneaking past Elder McKinley's door.

Arnold reverently lifted the lid off the box of twister. "I will be the spin master," He said in a dramatic whisper before hopping onto the table, the spinner in his lap, legs dangling over the edge.

"Will the reigning champion please step forward." Arnold intoned as the other elders settled down around the board to watch.

Eric Schrader cracked his knuckles and moved his toes up to the line of white plastic. Elder Neeley gave a silent cheer and fistpumped in support of his companion.

"Will the challenger please step forward."

Kevin walked forward with deadly seriousness, his eyes focused on Eric.

"Whoo go Kevin!"

"Shhhh!" Elder Church gave Arnold a shove to shut him up, and glanced suggestively towards the bedrooms where Connor slept.

"Sorry," Arnold whispered.

"Give me that." Church reached for the spinner intending to take it from him.

"But I'm the spin master!" Arnold said shrilly.

"Shut up!" Poptarts hissed at Arnold, pulling Elder Church away from him and back to his seat.

"Can we get on with it please?" Eric glanced at Kevin who had already lost some of his confident demeanour, "Scared?" He smirked playfully.

"No, you?" Kevin replied in as sinister voice as he could manage.

"It's a game of twister. Why would I be scared?" Eric began shaking his shoulders loose, "Plus, I always win."

"We'll see about that."

Elder Davis snorted as Kevin began doing some elaborate stretches. Kevin's response was a very cold look.

"You can go first?" Eric smiled charmingly at Kevin disarming him for a moment.

Arnold spun the needle, the tension in the room suddenly high.

"Kevin, right hand blue."

Kevin mumbled something about it not being fair when the first one was a hand before bending over.

"Eric, left leg green."

Eric put his foot down on the spot next to Kevin's hand, leaving Kevin's face staring closely at it. Kevin scowled up at Eric.

"Kevin, left hand blue."

The game continued, Kevin somehow drawing the short straw every time and having to drastically change his position while Eric got away with moving his feet around to different colours.

"Eric, left hand yellow."

Eric dropped down, placing his hand close to Kevin's so that their faces were very close together. Eric smirked at Kevin's obviously strained face.

"Ready to give up?"

"You wish."

"Kevin, left leg green."

Kevin moaned as he saw yet another difficult position to move into and sustain. The spectators were getting more and more excited as the game went on. Elder Neeley was still employing a fist pump nearly every time the spinner landed.

Elder Zelder was wandering round the room and taking bets, a pencil tucked behind his ear, one eye on the action.

An audible "Oooh!" was heard as Eric placed his hand on a blue circle, a hand that began to shake until the next round when Arnold called the next colour and he caught himself.

It seamed as if they'd been playing for ages, and the action was stuck in stalemate, both elders neck a neck. Kevin had to place a hand right across Eric as Eric's leg went under Kevin's left arm and it looked like both contorted bodies were ready to collapse.

Whispered cheers for both sides had begun, softly at first, but then gaining in momentum.

Soon the elders were calling with reckless abandon. Every foot placed extracting an "Aaah!" and every hand an "Oooh!"

Suddenly all the elders went silent, it was as if the room had entered a vacuum. Kevin looked to Arnold for the next instruction but just as he opened his mouth he heard a soft voice just behind him.

"What's going on here?"

The sound of Connor's voice caught him offguard and he staggered over onto his elbow in surprise.

"I can explain!"

"Loser!" Eric shouted going over to Elder Neeley and bumping fists.

"Wait that's not fair!"

"Was this your idea Kevin?" Connor was speaking scarily calmly, in his 'disappointed not angry' voice and it always made Kevin feel guilty. Connor folded his arms and Kevin nodded meekly.

"But it's not fair! I was so close to winning!"

"Well if you'd stayed in bed none of this would have happened."

"You just don't like playing twister because you're bad at it. I bet I could beat you easily."

"Oh yeah? You think you can beat a trained dancer in a game of strength and flexibility?"

The elders were watching the tennis match exchange back and forth. Elder Michaels and Elder Zelder had already snuck past Connor and back to their room wanting to avoid the future wrath.

"I'm very disappointed in all of you." Connor addressed the whole group, "All of you back into bed now."

The elders trailed past Connor in a line back towards to the corridor of bedrooms, eyes on the floor. Only Eric was grinning from ear to ear.

As Kevin tried to slink past Connor caught him with an arm.

"A word please Kevin?"

Kevin rubbed the back of his neck avoiding Connor's accusing gaze.

"What made you think," he began slowly, "That it was ok for you to play this ridiculous game that involves you writhing around on the ground with someone."

"Connor I'm sorry I-"

"I'm not finished yet. Writhing around on the ground with someone...that isn't me?"

"What?"

"Rematch?"


	24. Rule 126

**Rule 126: Dispose of your garbage properly and promptly**

"Whose turn is it to take out the trash?" Elder McKinley asked his elders on the morning of collection. The elders had a rota, that he'd drawn up, and he always appreciated it when his boys stuck to his organisation. But more often than not, whoever was on duty would forget to take out the trash.

"Not mine." All the elders replied in unison without looking up from their tasks.

"Well it has to be someone's turn." Elder McKinley folded his arms across his chest and leant his weight back on one foot. He looked accusingly at all the elders who avoided his gaze.

"Elder Church? Isn't it you?"

"No," Elder Church said quickly, "I did it twice in a row a few weeks back, when Davis was ill."

"Elder Davis, why don't you do it then?"

"I did it last week."

"Hey! I did it last week!" Elder Schrader interjected.

"Maybe it was the week before then," Elder Davis said simply, flicking the pages of his book.

"I'll look at the rota then." Elder McKinley disappeared into his office, nine pairs of rolled eyes following his back.

At home, taking the trash out was an easy task, but in Uganda it was easier said than done. It had to be carried down the track to the disposal place where they could get rid of it safely.

"I think we should just nominate someone to always do it," Kevin said kicking back into the sofa and crossing his legs, "Instead of having this stupid rota."

"Then I nominate you." Elder Zelder patted Kevin on the shoulder as several other elders chipped in.

"Me too."

"Me three."

"Thanks for the noble sacrifice Kevin."

Before Kevin could open his mouth to complain Connor had returned clutching his precious rota.

"Kevin, it's you."

"Ha." Elder Church sniggered inviting those around him to do the same. Kevin scowled and snatched the paper from Connor's hands.

"Fine," He said reluctantly, dropping the paper to the floor with the air of a caught out child. He pouted and strided over towards the door with an eccentric swagger that drew a few snorts. Kevin's attempts to appear like he didn't care had so far failed dismally.

He hoisted the bag of trash and staggered under its weight.

"Ooh wait one second!" Chris said rushing to his room before emerging with several empty poptarts boxes.

"Where've you been hiding those?" Connor asked, "Were they in our room?"

"If I told you I'd have to kill you," Chris replied with utter seriousness. He placed the boxes precariously ontop of the bag of trash ignoring Kevin's expression, and skipped back to his seat.

Kevin waited by the door looking around pointedly, expecting someone to open it for him. When no one sprang to their feet straight away he huffed and used his foot to lever the door open.

It took all his strength just to get the bag out the door. He had half a mind to suggest they take the trash out more often than they did before remembering this would mean he'd have to do it more often.

"Elder Price!"

He looked up at the bright voice and straightened up to see Nabulungi waving at him a little way off. He waved back then wiped his brow with the back of his hand.

"Are you taking out the trash?"

"Yeah, it's my turn."

She perched on a branch and crossed her legs as if to watch. "I just wanted to ask a few questions, but I can wait until you're done."

"Oh sure," He paused for a moment, surprised when she stayed put, legs swinging and grazing the dirt. "It might take a while."

"Why?"

"I have to take this all the way down the track," He gestured to the large bag.

"Oh you do it that way." She smirked and rested her elbows on her knees.

"There's another way?"

"Well there's Elder McKinley's way, which is your way, the we should follow the rules way, and then there's Arnold's way."

"Arnold's way?" Kevin said suspiciously.

"Yes!"

"And what's Arnold's way?"

"He can tell you himself." Her smile brightened as she caught sight of Arnold coming towards them.

"Hello Naba," Arnold said shyly and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Hello Arnold." She giggled coyly as Kevin rolled his eyes at the sacharine display.

"I thought you might like some help," Arnold turned to Kevin glancing at the heavy trash, "There's an easier way you know."

"So I've heard. I'm guessing this way is of course safe and coincides with the rules?"

"Neither!" Arnold replied grinning, "Now follow me."

He took Naba's hand and they started walking off in the opposite direction to the one he was meant to be going. He looked both ways then shrugged deciding that if this was easier he might as well try it.

They been walking barely a minute when they all stopped. Naba took a few careful steps forward, her feet hidden in long grass. "Here." She said finally as she seemed to find what she was looking for.

"What?" Kevin asked the two of them growing increasingly confused.

"The trash," Arnold explained, "You can throw it down here."

"What?!"

"It's fine," Naba added.

"Fine? We can't just dump trash all over the village!"

"No no it's ok! Seriously!" Arnold coaxed Kevin into putting the bag down and he moved forward slightly.

"How is this ok?"

"Because of where it leads," Naba said with an air of mystery before laughing, "You can't see the hole, but under this grass is a drop. It goes a long way down and when it comes out, it lands straight in the general's camp."

"Oh." Kevin instinctively tensed up at the name wondering when he'd be able to rid himself of this now ingrained reflex.

"So go one," Arnold encourage, "Give it a good throw."

Kevin thought for a moment. It was wrong for someone like him to be doing something like this. The faint word 'revenge' was unhelpfully floating around in front of his eyes. No, this was very wrong and he'd just turn around and do it the normal way.

Granted the normal was for quite far away now. And the bag was very heavy. And this was very convenient. And he was only human.

He closed his eyes then settled to just do it. Afterwards he could pray or something like that. He found the hole, lifted the bag over his shoulder, and swung it down before letting go.

They all listened for a moment as the trash skidded down the hole before landing with a thump at the bottom.

There was silence.

Then shouting.

Then Naba turned to face the boys and said quickly and quietly, "Run."

As the voices grew in volume the three of them ran faster and faster, regret rushing through Kevin's mind. The mission centre came into view and they began sprinting faster to reach it.

Kevin collided with the door, confused for a moment, until Arnold caught up behind him and opened it. They fell through into the living room, slamming the door behind them, leaning against the wall and panting.

"What happened to you?" Connor looked up, as did the rest of the elders, at the sound of the two of them entering.

"We...we...we were..." Kevin said between breaths before looking around him. "Where did Naba go?"

"Back to...her...hut," Arnold wheezed, bending over and resting his hands on his knees, "It was...closer."

"You didn't answer my question," Connor said, his hands moving to his hips.

"We went to take the trash out." Kevin collapsed onto the sofa, beginning to catch his breath back. "What did you think we'd been doing?"

"I don't trust you." Connor pursed his lips and squinted at Kevin, eyeing him up and down.

"Nothing to see here." Kevin waved away the stares from the other elders, "What are you all looking at?"

"Well if you're sure you've done nothing wrong, which I'm certainly not, then fine."

Arnold and Kevin let out simultaneous sighs as Connor wandered off to finish up his other duties.

"I think we got out of that one buddy."

"Yeah, but, never again. I'm just going to take the trash out the normal way instead of just chucking it off a cliff."

"PRICE!"

They jumped at the sound that shook through the mission hut. The elders all looked up with horrified expressions to the door where the shout had come from.

"Was that...?" Arnold turned to his companion, who was now sitting on his hands in an instinctively protective gesture.

"Nope." He squeaked, his voice unnaturally high pitched. The voice rumbled through again.

"PRICE! GOT ANY SPARE BOOKS IN THERE?!"


	25. Rule 5

**Rule 5: Center your mind on your mission**

"I'll only be gone for a few days," Elder McKinley was telling the assembled elders, "You can manage until then right?"

His tone was hopeful if slightly worried. He needed to go to the twice a year meeting with the zone leader and it meant leaving his district. It didn't help that his district was full of the most immature bunch of people known to man.

While he was trying to explain how to keep the place running, he was sure that half of them had zoned out, and Elder Neeley and Elder Schrader were carefully crafting paper aeroplanes to throw at each other.

"We'll be fine," Kevin said calmly before a paper aeroplane hit him in the back of the head. "Why you pieces of-!"

"Kevin!" Elder McKinley interupted hurridly, coming between Kevin and a sniggering Elder Schrader.

"Boys! Please! It's just three nights. You'll be fine, right?" There was a silence as the elders looked at each other, discernible smirks on their faces. Connor's heart sank, but there was nothing he could do, he had to go and meet with the zone leader.

"Don't you worry Connor," Chris shoved Connor's suitcase into his arms, "We won't even notice you're gone."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome, now off you go."

Connor reluctantly took a few steps forward and out the door before turning back and opening his mouth to say something.

"Bye Connor have a nice trip!" Chris smiled as he shut the door in his face.

"Ok boys," Elder Schrader turned to the group, "Let's have some fun."

"Elder McKinley?"

Connor looked up to see Nabulungi sitting on the wall just opposite the mission centre. She seemed to always be there, and it nearly always corresponded to when Arnold was inside.

"Can I help you?" He asked politely while lifting his suitcase into the jeep.

"Why so worried?"

"I'm leaving my boys alone for three days, and I'm worried they'll blow the house up or something."

"Probably," Naba shrugged then smiled, "But you sound like their mother!"

"I am sort of a mother to them. They'd be lost without me."

"You are silly," She giggled then jumped off the wall. "Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on them."

"Really?"

"Of course! I don't want my Arnold to get hurt."

"And would you keep a special eye on Kevin? Don't let him do anything stupid, and don't let them bully him."

"Leave it all to me." She leaned in to give Connor a supportive hug, breaking apart after swiping his name tag and pinning it to her dress, skipping back to the wall. "I can lead the district for you."

"This is going to be the most awesome weekend ever!" Chris exclaimed, beginning to open his third box of poptarts that morning not even caring about the crumbs. Elder McKinley would have been ashamed.

It had been less than an hour but the mission centre already looked like a bomb site, the normal order completely disrupted.

Arnold and Eric were having an intense light saber fight in the corner, several onlookers cheering for either team. Arnold took an extra energetic swing knocking several books off their perch.

"Please be careful guys," Kevin said, his tone unimpressed as he continued to read, wanting to keep his study uninterrupted.

Eric took a running jump and vaulted over the sofa, kicking Kevin's book out of his hands as he did so. Before Kevin could pick it up Arnold had flung himself after Eric and had tumbled down the other side.

"Those things are too dangerous and I can't believe Connor let you buy them." Kevin nodded to the lightsaber he'd just had to duck. Arnold had found them in a corner of the market amongst the other odd assortment of lost and found objects.

"He doesn't know." Arnold grinned as Eric dropped his own lightsaber and Arnold kicked it out the way forcing Eric to back up towards the wall.

"You are beaten it is useless to resist!" Arnold said in his best impression of Darth Vader which also happened to be terrible. "There is no escape, don't let me destroy you. Say that Star Wars is better than Star Trek."

"I'll never join you!"

"I am your father!"

Kevin rolled his eyes as the pair of them were now intruding on his space again, Eric now balanced on the edge of the sofa. "This doesn't make any sense and is completely ridiculous."

"It's not my fault Schrader doesn't stick to the script."

"Star Trek is better!" Eric shrieked as his valiant last words, Arnold now above him his lightsaber raised.

"Elder Arnold Cunningham! What do you think you are doing?!"

Arnold squealed, dropping his lightsaber and promptly stumbling off the sofa landing in a heap on the floor.

"N-N-Na-Naba Jamba?"

"Put those silly things away. This place is a mess, what would Elder McKinley say? Tidy everything up now."

"B-but Naba-?"

"Now!"

The elders could see that she wasn't kidding, hands on her hips, accusing stare, and after a moment's tense pause they all sprang into action.

Elder McKinley always tried to be confident in these meetings but he always felt nervous, fiddling with his tie and running his hands over his pants.

It was a routine event in the mission calendar. The leaders from all nine districts would gather together twice a year to hear the new aims from the mission president for the next half year.

"Elder?" The severe man was looking down at him, "Have you misplaced your nametag?"

He ran his hand over his shirt, then checked his pockets before remembering that Naba had swiped it from him. "I must have left it behind."

"Hmmm."

He shifted uncomfortably. After the shameful display at the pageant, that mission president had resigned from his job and retired to a calm area where he was less likely to suffer a heart attack. He was grateful for this but still found the new one no less forgiving.

"So let's have the report then."

He went into detail of all the latest baptisms they'd had as well as the progress they were making in placements. He made up a few of the numbers and of course neglected to mention Arnold's influence. What the eye doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve about he thought.

"Perhaps Elder, you can give some advice to the other districts who have had less luck than your seemingly impeccable record."

"Umm…"

"Well?"

He felt under the scrutiny of nine other pairs of eyes, beginning to blush red. "I guess it's important to just let then come to you, you know, be interested in them as people instead of just converts. Instead of trying to get them to be interested in you."

"And how do you do that?"

"Well, we um…we just try and make the stories relate to them…"

"Relate?"

'_Stop digging Connor, just put the spade down and climb out of the hole.'_

"Uh, well, as you all know, AIDS is a big problem, but like Joseph Smith didn't have AIDS or anything like that."

"No he didn't." The president said stiffly.

'_Anytime you want Connor, anytime. Just stop. There's no golden plates at the bottom of this hole, just excommunication.'_

"So what if he had AIDS, then it would be easier for them all to understand. It can help them through the hardship."

"Have you been telling people Joseph Smith had AIDS?"

Elder McKinley was becoming increasingly aware of his voice raising in pitch. He wished he had someone like Arnold by his side, he always knew what to say, or Kevin who'd make him feel more comfortable, or any of them really.

"A bit."

"A bit?"

"Yeah a bit."

"What's that supposed to mean? He had a bit of AIDS?"

"Don't be stupid Joseph Smith didn't have AIDS."

The mission president frowned at him for a second then moved to the next district leader to ask for their report. He breathed a sigh of relief wondering how on earth he'd managed to get out of that one, longing even more now to just return home.

It was about midday when his jeep pulled up outside the mission hut. The sun was at its highest in the sky and the heat unbearable so all the elders would be inside at this time. He opened the door slowly to the deserted living room frowning as he wheeled his suitcase in further, the sound of clacking wheels loud in the silence.

"Hello…?"

It was unusual for no one to be around and he was just about to start getting worried when the door to the corridor of bedrooms opened and Naba poked her head round.

"Ah! Elder, you are back." She smiled brightly at him and skipped out to join him, shutting the door behind her. "How was the trip?"

"Awful. Was everything fine here?"

"They've all been behaving very well."

"Even Kevin?"

"Especially Kevin."

Connor looked round the room, every surface tidy and clean, spick and span. He was expecting a crater at the very least, or for them to have pushed the house over, or to have redecorated by throwing everything on the floor. He wasn't expecting this.

"I see you've been keeping everything in order."

"Just like you asked."

"Where is everyone?"

"You want to see them?"

"Yes…?" He was a little wary now, Naba's bright smile unrelenting.

"ELDERS!" The sudden shout caused Connor to jump an inch in the air, looking at her cupped hands with alarm. She turned and smiled sweetly to him, "Last time they managed it in less than ten seconds."

Sure enough, barely a millisecond had passed before the door had opened and the elders were sprinting out, pushing each other out the way to make it in front of Naba. Then they began to form a straight line in front of her, very Von Trap style.

"I tell you this every time Poptarts, you are shorter than me," James whispered harshly, nudging Chris out the way so he was on the end of the line.

"Not true," Chris protested, swapping again with James. They continued to swap back and forth until Naba came to stand in front of them.

"Elders."

It was all she had to say for them to become quiet and stand to attention. She began to make her way down the other end of the line and Connor watched her with raised eyebrows. Elder Neeley caught his eye. "Help us," He mouthed before snapping back as Naba turned her head.

"Wow," Connor said quietly, "How did you manage to get them to do that? They hardly ever listen to me."

"We'll listen now we promise!" Elder Zelder burst out before whimpering at the look he received from Naba.

"Thank you for looking after them Nabulungi, I can take it from here."

"No problem." She smiled again and moved to the door to see herself out. The elders held their breath until she had fully disappeared the door shutting behind her. There was a collective sigh, before Chris ran and flung himself into Connor's arms.

"Please don't ever leave again."

The other elders nodded in a chorus and relaxed, gladly joining Chris as he fawned over Connor. He found himself in the centre of a very affectionate hug. Elder Neeley was gripping tightly to his leg, Elder Michaels had the other, and it didn't look they ever wanted to let go.

"I'm guessing you had as good a time as I did."

"She can be really scary." Kevin nestled himself under Connor's arm and Connor laughed at them all, feeling like a mother with all her puppies gathered round her.

"We'll do everything you say now," Elder Davis said earnestly and all the other elders nodded and murmured their approval.

"Let's see how long that lasts." But Connor had to admit, despite the fact that he sometimes found it hard to get his voice heard, and the dishes in the sink were hardly ever done, he had missed them an awful lot.


	26. Rule 23

**Rule 23: Attend the general session of Stake Conference**

Elder Schrader and Elder Neeley were fixated on something just outside the window. Eric had his head tilted to one side and Noah had his chin in his hand as the both stared.

"What's wrong with him?" Eric said finally after they'd stood there for nearly five minutes. Noah shrugged watching as Connor sat on the rope swing strung up on a nearby tree. He was sitting still on it shuffling his feet in the dust and twisting from side to side.

"He looks a bit…"

"Insane?"

"Yeah…I think he's gone insane."

Connor scuffed the dirt with his feet before kicking a bit too hard, catching his foot and falling backwards off the swing. He untangled himself from the rope in a fluster then brushed himself off, looking over his shoulder as he did so.

"We saw it," Eric and Noah said in unison through the open window. Connor turned to them, turning bright red in the process before closing his eyes, inhaling deeply and obviously counting to ten before storming off.

"I think something's up."

"You don't say."

Round the back of the mission hut, Elder Michaels had a towel round his waist ready to use the outdoor showers. He moved over to the rusty shower handle and braced himself for the cold stream. He was just about to let go of the towel when he shrieked.

"Elder McKinley!" He gathered it around himself staring in shock at Connor who was standing in the corner. "What are you doing?"

"Thinking," He said quickly. "I mean…showering…I mean no-wait-…cleaning. I'm cleaning the showers."

"Are you ok?"

"Yep! Fine absolutely fine!"

"Ok…"

They stood looking at each other for a moment, Elder Michael's suspiciously raised eyebrows forcing Connor to blush and look at the floor.

"Um…I'd kinda like to take a shower now."

"Oh right yeah, well, I was just done with the cleaning so that's ok."

Elder Michaels nodded slowly and watched him disappear into the mission hut. Connor turned and shut the door behind him before slumping against it to the floor. He lifted a thumb and forefinger to his temples as he landed with a soft thud on the ground. He groaned.

"Connor?"

His eyes snapped open immediately to see Elder Davis looking concernedly down at him. "Are you alright?"

"Just about." He sighed then heaved himself to his feet with a great effort. He straightened his name tag and tie, assuming his usual district leader stance. "I'm going to find some peace and quiet." He moved to his room and placed his hand on the handle.

"Wait!"

"What?" He turned to look at Elder Davis who had taken a step forward with an outstretched hand.

"Don't go in there."

"Why not? It's my room," Connor said indignantly continuing to hover his hand over the handle.

"Yeah, but Chris and James are in there at the moment."

Connor looked blankly at him for a moment before he understood. He groaned again and moved back towards the door to the kitchen. "I hate my life…" Elder Davis heard before he disappeared through.

Connor looked at the empty kitchen and living room for a moment, then moved to the sink and picked up a plate. He began to wipe it dry with a cloth. Elder Zelder came through the front door carrying his book and whistling to himself. He stopped as he saw Connor standing over the sink, his face deep in concentration. Elder Zelder watched as Connor proceeded to wipe the plate dry for the next ten minutes before saying something.

"Elder McKinley?"

Connor jumped and dropped the plate. He picked it up reverently and looked with a forlorn expression at the large crack cutting down the centre of it.

"I'd ask if you were ok, but I have a feeling you'd just say no, which definitely isn't the case."

"I'm fine."

"Sure…"

The door opened behind them and Arnold came through, looking around for the source of the disturbance. "I heard something break and it wasn't me."

"It was me." Connor sighed, placing the broken plate back in the sink. "I'm just a little on edge today."

He let out an even louder sigh as he saw Eric and Noah return from whatever mischief they'd been up to and settled down on the sofa.

"Have you figured out what's troubling him yet?" Noah asked the other elders.

"Nothing's troubling me."

"So you're not worried about the Stake Conference then?"

Noah smiled at the instant frozen expression that overcame Elder McKinley's face.

"What's Stake Conference?"

"Really Arnold?" Kevin had appeared, leaning against the door frame arms folded. "Stake Conference is when all districts in this zone meet with the zone leaders and mission presidents to give reports and share progress."

"Oh…so what's the problem?"

"We haven't made any progress!" Elder McKinley blurted out before leaning against the kitchen counter, his face in his hands. Eric and Noah leapt to their feet and guided him on either side to the couch.

"There there…" Eric said, awkwardly patting Connor's shoulder. "You'll be fine."

"It's not me I'm worried about. According to rule 23 you lot have to come with me."

"And?"

"You'll blow the place up!"

"We're not _that _bad." Noah glanced around at the other elders for some confirmation from one of them but received none. "Ok, so we're pretty bad, but maybe we can relax you a bit."

Connor emerged from his hands with a grim expression. "Relax? Relax! You think I'm going to be able to relax?!"

"You could try." Noah shrugged. "So what does one do at these steak house things?"

"Stake Conference. And you will be doing absolutely nothing. I'll be doing all the talking and you can stand behind me looking pretty because I don't trust a single one of you not to let something slip."

"Thanks," Kevin said with mock bitterness before perching on the table and flicking through his book.

"Is it like a convention?" Arnold asked suddenly, now excited. "Do we wear costumes?"

"Excuse me?"

"Never mind."

"Well…anyway…you all need to go and back. We leave tomorrow morning." He began to wring his hands, obsessively folding his fingers over one another. "And please pack sensibly."

The next morning, at the crack of dawn, Connor had with difficulty loaded his elders onto the mini bus. There was a sense of excitement among them that he just couldn't share. He'd spent all night trying to work out something he could say to the mission president. Anything at all to explain why their district had been kept pretty hush hush.

He was dreading the journey there too. If it was going to be anything like their usual trips together he thought they might as well drive off a cliff now. It would save him the trouble of being driven insane by them all first and doing it anyway. They arrived in good time at the mission offices in Kampala.

They all stood up to clamber off the bus but he stopped them. "Ok a few rules-"

He was interrupted by a chorus of groans which he struggled to silence. "Elders elders! Please! A few rules. Number one, no one say anything to anyone. Number two, no one is allowed into the district leader meeting. No one. Number three, nobody wander off. If we can't find you when we're going home you're getting left behind. Number four, there is free food, but don't embarrass me. Are we clear?"

"Yes Elder McKinley," The elders chorused back in unison before pushing each other out the way to get off the bus. The other elders at the conference all seemed very neat and uptight compared to the rowdy crew from district nine. Contrary to Elder McKinley's orders, they quickly found the buffet table and began to pile their plates high.

"Elders! What did I say?" Connor had just managed to catch up with them, left behind having to sign in at multiple stations. They looked at the floor before unloading their plates. "It's ten in the morning!"

"We normally eat breakfast at this time," Elder Zelder said confused.

"You don't let them eat until ten?" A suited leader from another district had wandered over towards them and was looking at Elder McKinley with curiosity. "That seems a bit harsh."

"Oh don't worry about us," Elder Michaels butted in laughing. "We don't even get up until-"

"No!" Elder McKinley quickly cut him off. "I mean, lots of work to do between when they all rise nice and early at six thirty until breakfast at ten. That's the way it's got to be if we have any hope of succeeding on our mission. We're a very devout and rule abiding district." He smiled through clenched teeth until the other district leader seemed satisfied and drifted away.

"I told you not to say anything." He hissed at his elders. "Now go and find somewhere to sit very still in silence while I go to the district leader meeting."

Suitably subdued, the elders went to join some of the missionaries from other districts while Elder McKinley began to repetitively straighten his tie.

"He's not going to survive that meeting," Noah told Eric as they watched the man fidget nervously. "But what can we do?"

"Tabernanthe iboga."

"Excuse me?"

Eric looked left and right before pulling Noah into a corner and whispering. "Tabernanthe iboga."

"Yeah I heard you the first time, I just don't speak Klingon."

"It's not Klingon." Eric rolled his eyes. "It's Bwiti."

"Oh right of course how stupid of me," Noah said sarcastically.

"It's a plant." Eric dug in his pockets, producing a small pouch of a ground up leaves. "It just relaxes you."

"So it's a drug?" Noah eyed it warily, looking around to make sure no one was watching their exchange. "That you just carry around with you?"

"Don't be stupid, I wouldn't give him drugs. It's like...tea."

"Tea?"

"Yeah...tea...that gives you hallucinations."

"What?!"

"Only in large doses. Look, we wouldn't give him much, just enough to stop him twitching."

"Is it even legal?"

"Of course it's legal. When we were doing our missionary service one weekend Gotswana asked me to get some for his stock and I got a bit for myself. It's just medicine, they use it to treat lots of things."

Noah looked at the leaves for a moment then over to Connor who was walking in furious small circles then back to the leaves then back to Connor who was now doing some kind of strange vocal warm up.

"Ok, if you're sure it's safe."

"I'm certain."

Connor didn't even question the glass that was put in his hand. He was too nervous to care and his throat was drying up from anxiety. He swallowed then looked to his elders who gave him an assortment of encouraging smiles and thumbs up before heading into the meeting.

As soon as he'd gone through the door, Eric and Noah pressed their ears to it to listen.

"Elders, thank you all for coming."

Connor sank down in his chair, trying his best not to be noticed. This was worse than a meeting with the mission president. Here he had to be compared to every other district leader in Uganda and they were all in front of him, well presented and doubtless baptism experts.

"Now I have here the figures from the last quarterly budgets. District nine, you have some expenses unaccounted for."

"Oh, it's probably just coffee."

"Coffee?"

"I mean poptarts."

"Poptarts?!"

He looked around at the assembled district leaders who were eyeing him with worried expressions. He needed to think of a save fast.

"…which we then donate to the local orphanage."

He lowered himself down even further into his chair waiting for the president to move onto the next elder. He closed his eyes for a moment, the room beginning to sway ever so slightly. He took a deep breath and when he opened his eyes, he suddenly felt completely relaxed, all worry thrown out the window.

He could see the president's lips moving but the sound seemed to go straight over his head. He wasn't complaining. If he couldn't hear the questions, he thought, he wouldn't have to answer them.

"…Elder? Elder McKinley? Elder McKinley!"

"Hmmm?"

"Did you hear what I just said?"

"…hmm…um, no…" He tried to fix his eyes on a framed landscape on the wall behind the mission president, but it was hard to keep his eyes from drifting, and a strange giddy sensation was swilling up inside him.

"I asked if you-"

"May I just say…Elder Mr President sir, that the tie you're wearing goes so well with your eyes…"

"I er-"

"Just saying."

The president cleared his throat and shuffled some papers in front of him, bringing out the file of another district. He turned to the district leader.

"Well, moving on. Elder Puddle, it-"

A snort followed by a giggle came out of Elder McKinley's mouth, before he gasped and quickly covered it, failing to fully stifle the noise.

"Is something the matter Elder?" The president's tone was now stern with a hint of irritation.

"No…" Connor strained trying not to burst into giggles again. "It's just…Elder Puddle…oh come on guys that's funny, right? Right?"

The other district leaders fixated their glances on their clasped hands in front of them, not wanting to catch his eye.

"We have an Elder Zelder and-" He interrupted himself with another snort and a fit of laughter. "Elder…Zelder! We call him Elder Zelder! Classic."

"Are you feeling quite alright young man?"

"Is it just me, or is the roof flying away?"

He looked up at the ceiling with a dreamy look before slumping forward onto the table, out unconscious. The president stared at him for a moment.

Suddenly the door opened, and Noah and Eric who had been listening from the outside, burst in. "Excuse us." Eric smiled nervously at the gathered men as they went over to Connor. "It's ok, he's still breathing, I think he's just fallen asleep."

Noah carefully lifted his sleeping district leader into his arms and followed Eric back out into to where all the elders were waiting.

"What the-?" Kevin stood up immediately as he saw them come out.

"Change of plans," Eric said hurriedly. "We're going home early."

Noah carried Connor out to the bus and laid him down on the back seat as everyone loaded themselves on. Kevin took the keys and drove away, not the only one who was glad this awkward trip had come to an early finish.

"Everybody shut up, Elder McKinley is sleeping," Noah called to the rest of them from the back as the chatter began to build which was followed by immediate hush.

A couple of hours into the journey home and Connor began to stir, groaning as his eyes squinted open. "Where am I?"

"Shhh…it's ok. Eric just drugged you, but you'll be fine."

Eric smiled nervously, twiddling his fingers. "Yeah, sorry about that. It wears off pretty quickly though. Oh, and it's legal and completely natural." He felt the need to add this part after seeing Connor's widened eyes.

"I hate all of you," Connor managed before letting his eyes close and falling back to sleep again.


End file.
